Stop Demonizing the Ego!

Stop Demonizing the Ego!By Nira Lall

Guest Writer for Wake Up World

Something has been on my mind for a while and it’s time to let it out.

Most places I look in the mind-body-spirit communities there is a straight up vilification of the Ego. Our Ego is portrayed as this elusive evil part of us that makes us do bad things. We’re told to “kill the ego” and think happier more beautiful thoughts.

I completely agree that it can be very counter-productive to ruminate in negative emotions and thoughts. I also believe that true, authentic well-being involves accepting the whole of oneself with deep reverence and compassion. How can we completely disown the Ego – which IS a part of us – and then expect to feel whole, complete, and joyful?!

This doesn’t even compute.

The Ego’s purpose is to ensure that we survive. When this part of us feels threatened, the Ego will resort to behaviours and patterns that we have learned throughout our lives to help us cope. This often involves the uprising of emotions and thoughts that induce fear, competition, and so on.

We can fall into a mindset where we have to cut others down (or ourselves) to deal with the situation at hand. This “coping” helps us go on and make sense of things (even if the perception is distorted). Yes, this can be destructive. Yes, there are better ways of coping. YES, the Ego is a habitual part of us that needs compassion and understanding.

Instead of shouting “no!” and “bad!” at the Ego, there is an opportunity to talk to this part of us. We must integrate the Ego into healthier patterns, not shun it into the basement. Shunning the Ego is unhealthy and can lead to serious emotional, mental, spiritual, and even physical problems. The “darker” aspects of ourselves cannot be sustainably bypassed. We cannot “go around” our problematic thoughts and behaviours.

There is a lot of confusing information out there about denying the Ego side of us in exchange for love and light. This is a lovely sentiment, which is often misused and misinterpreted. Contrary to popular belief, it is not “more spiritual” to ignore the Ego. Instead, we can view the eruption of our Egos as an invitation to let this part of us know that it is being heard. With deep love and reverence, we must let the Ego know that we want to work with it, not destroy it (the ultimate fear of the Ego, which only makes it louder). We can let our Ego self know that we understand that it is only trying to protect us in the way that it has learned. We can even thank the Ego for doing its best to look out for us.

Then, we can offer the Ego an option – a beautiful, wonderful option. The option involves letting the Ego know that it can work together with the whole of you to find more productive, safe, and encouraging ways of coping and being in the world. We can offer this part of ourselves love and gentleness – as we would to a small child. What would you do if an innocent child was berating herself, feeling afraid and alone? Many of us would want to rescue that child and offer her protection, love and care. This is often what many of us adults need and want too, isn’t it?

So many of us simply want to be witnessed, heard, and loved. How can we receive love from the world around us if we are caught up in cutting ourselves down? Vilifying and damning the Ego is a massive act of personal betrayal and rejection.

Let’s all step into greater wholeness by offering love, compassion, support, and trust to ourselves first. Then, and only then, will there be room for deeper transformation from within.

Previous article by Nira Lall:

About the author:
Nira LallNira Lall is an integrative Life Coach specializing in turning life’s ups and downs into soul lessons. Drawing from her skills in emotional release, neuro-lingusitic programming, hypnosis, meditation, and body wisdom integration, she covers topics ranging from relationships, career and money, health, and most importantly self-trust.

You can connect with Nira at:

Download Nira’s ebook “20 Tools for Less Stress” for free.


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  • david

    I disagree with your assertions add to what the purpose of the ego. In a world where your perfection can not be challenge except your condemnation needing your ego to be your great survivalist just doesn’t compute. Wr develop many illusions and anxieties that have no real purpose or Any intrinsic truth to them and Wre thus learn to not let our brains get wrapped up in those thinking patterns. The ego is not a part of us it is an illusion we habe created to endlessly put us on task and fear our survival and make us believe we are aLone and nothing but bodies . The ego is endlessly trying to keep you busy and scared do yoy never don’t your need for the ego.

  • Greg

    Finally, someone who has it clear about the Ego. For way too long I have seen too many articles that trash the ego, clearly demonstrating in the process that the person writing it hasn’t a clue as to what the ego is and what part it plays. Any good counselor will acknowledge that a person who doesn’t have a healthy ego is subject to serious mental health issues (I am one of those counselors and I speak from the experience I had in observing this). To say that the ego is an artificial construct, an illusion, demonstrates very deep ignorance about the human psychological make up. Also, and this comes from Seth (still the best channeled work available), we are not self-aware without the ego. As with amy part of our human psychological makeup, we need to learn to control and develop the ego. It is not a tumor to be excised. So, kudos to Nira Lall. Finally a voice of sanity in the unfortunate ignorance and confusion regarding this critical part of our self.

  • DracMorair

    We are the words we create. The ego created out of fear or love, your choice. Thanks for the in-sight.

    And david, great to have something to point a finger to when you can’t take responsibility for your own actions. It makes you? you make you.

  • this changed my insight on ego. makes sense.

  • JED

    This is a wrong and egoic article. It’s the writers own ego tricking herself and others that it’s necessary. Once again, another ego trick. The ego needs to be let go. End of story. It doesn’t even help you survive. Let it go. This article is ego lies. Good luck to you.

  • Eevie

    The ego must be subject to the heart/spirit being for harmony to exist within. The ego is a front alter that we have navigated the world by, nothing else and it has wrongly been in control of our lives. Taking back our lives is stepping out of ego/head mind and stepping into heart/spirit mind. Ego can never find or be sovereign which is only attainable thru heart/spirit self. Ego is the soul of the physical body…nothing more. We are spirits, not souls/egos. Consider your spirit being using a host physical body with a soul. 🙂 Yep.