By Nanice Ellis
Contributing writer for Wake Up World
No doubt, humanity has experienced a vicious cycle of victimhood throughout recorded history, and although many of us have been victims of abuse, crime, or disempowerment, the dynamics that perpetuate victimhood remain hidden. Therefore, before we can end the cycle of abuse and heal emotional trauma for ourselves and others, we must dispel the false perceptions that perpetuate disempowerment.
In fact, the truth about victimhood cannot only heal you, it can set you free!
Victim vs. Perpetrator
On the surface, all abusive relationships and disempowering dynamics consist of at least one victim and one perpetrator, and while the victim remains blameless, the dynamics of abuse and disempowerment are blamed entirely on the perpetrator. However, under the surface, this deceptive perspective actually perpetuates victimhood.
For the sole purpose of providing deeper insight, I’ve decided to share the details of my own journey from victimhood to victory. So, rather than just telling you what I discovered, I’m going to show you how I discovered it.
Be warned, if you’re not ready to release the idea of victimhood, the following perspective could invoke a strong emotional reaction.
My Story: From Victimhood to Victory!
Shortly after I ran away from a dysfunctional home at sixteen-years-old, I found myself in a horrifically abusive relationship. Through the hands of a violent boyfriend, I was suffocated, strangled, and nearly beat to death every day for several long months, and even thrown out of moving cars on more than one occasion.
After being terrorized into complacency, my “abuser” made it perfectly clear that if I ever left him, he would hunt me down and kill me like prey, and, if verbal threats weren’t convincing, each time I attempted to leave, his actions left no room for doubt. Seeing myself as a helpless victim of abuse and paralyzed by fear and worthlessness, my perpetrator had the power to choose my fate, and, as a result, I was prepared for the worst.
After nine long months of escalating abuse, death appeared to be the only plausible escape, and, yet, in my darkest hour, I experienced an unexpected glimpse of hope. Although I began to envision a future beyond victimhood, before I could save myself, I had to consciously choose life, and this meant that I had to overcome a deep sense of worthlessness.
No doubt, the battle ahead would not be easy, and because my abuser would rather kill me than let me go, I had to face the dire fact that in order to save my own life, I had to risk losing it. Even though this might make me sound like a strong and brave kid, I was barely hanging on, and with absolutely no support, I was fragile and terrified! Any resources I once possessed were long gone, and, yet, I could not save myself while believing I was powerless. In fact, if I had any chance of rising above victimhood, I had to stop playing the victim.
So, with no other choice, and with only will-power and courage as ammunition, I was determined to rescue myself. Somehow, I would have to fight and win a personal revolution!
Fortunately, I’m happy to say that, despite a brutal and almost deadly escape, I ultimately survived – no doubt, with the help of divine intervention!
Revolution to Revelation
Even after I was physically free from abuse, deep emotional scars and unhealed trauma held me captive for years, and, as a result, the healing process took time to complete. Nonetheless, I eventually graduated from victim to survivor!
However, at some point, I realized that in order to be a survivor and tell my riveting “survival story,” I had to keep identifying as a victim, and this meant that the “survivor mentality” kept me trapped in victimhood.
However, even after I stopped identifying as a survivor, I still continued to believe that my past “abuser” was guilty of wrong doing and I was the innocent victim, and because I was innocent and he was guilty, I believed that I was the better person. Consequently, when I was finally able to forgive him for his atrocious acts against me, the act of forgiveness boosted my ego; “Look at me; I’m so great because I forgave the bad person who hurt me!”
Nevertheless, I forged the path of forgiveness and I went on to live a wonderful life….
Many years passed, and even though I thought everything was done and healed, unanswered questions still haunted me; Why did I have to experience abuse and victimhood in the first place, and, furthermore, why does anyone have to endure such pain and torment?
When reputable books and experts in various fields failed to offer complete answers to these perplexing questions and many others, I looked within for answers, and, consequently, I asked my Higher Self to show me a higher truth about the abuse.
Filled with paradoxes left and right, the multidimensional truth was not only complex, it was incomprehensible at first. Before I could perceive a higher truth, I had to create the space to receive. So, as I disentangled from mental and emotional constraints and I cleared the distorted lens of human perception, I became more and more receptive to varying points of view, and as my consciousness expanded, my ability to perceive grew too. Finally, with no filters to cloud my vision, an omnipotent vantage point revealed the Highest Truth – and this truth set me free!
Now, from me to you, the condensed version goes like this….
Trauma or Drama – Life is a Grand Stage!
As your True Self, you are unconditionally worthy and intrinsically powerful – and so is everyone else. Although this may sound awesome, there’s a downside to omnipotence.
You see, to an all-powerful soul like you, there are no challenges to overcome nor adventures to experience, and, therefore, in order to compensate, you were born with amnesia.
Indeed, life is a temporary stage where you act out your stories and issues, and since there’s no risk of permanent harm, you can play any part or endure any challenge. Regardless of drama or trauma, when your human form expires, you inevitably wake-up as your True Self, and while completely unscathed and perfectly whole, you’re actually better for the experience and no worse for wear!
You Create Your Own Reality
Even with amnesia of your True Self, you are the creator of every experience throughout life, and, whether conscious or unconscious, your beliefs create your reality. In fact, by demonstrating your beliefs, life operates as a perfect feedback system.
This means that as you project individual beliefs onto the 3D movie screen called “life,” those beliefs manifest as real life circumstances – specific to you. Since positive beliefs manifest as positive experiences and negative beliefs manifest as negative experiences, the underlying cause of disempowering circumstances is virtually always one or more corresponding beliefs. Therefore, when someone has beliefs regarding powerlessness, those beliefs inevitably manifest as disempowering experiences and even victimhood.
Even though the perpetrator and victim appear to be opposing forces, they are actually two parts of one single dynamic. Attracted to one another through complementary beliefs, the victim and perp are unconsciously drawn into an abusive dynamic.
For instance, people pleasers and narcissistic personality types are often attracted to one another because their beliefs are complementary. While people pleasers often believe that their worth depends on pleasing others (to gain approval or acceptance), narcissists often believe that their worth depends on validation or proving superiority. Hence, when one person needs approval or acceptance and the other desires superiority or control, it sets the stage for disempowerment, and, over time, the relationship may become abusive.
However, this type of dynamic is not due to karma nor punishment, but, rather, it exists so that each participant can identify and release disempowering beliefs.
Playing the Perp via Soul Agreements
Just like every perpetrator needs a victim, every victim needs a perpetrator, and, therefore, to experience victimhood, someone has to play the part of the perp. Although people with complementary beliefs are naturally drawn together, this attraction is rarely random, but, rather, in conjunction with pre-life agreements.
Agreeing to act out our beliefs on the stage of life, our very best eternal friends often play the parts of our worst human foes, and through a mutual agreement, we play appropriate counterparts. This means that when we experience victimhood, the part of the perp is often played by a loving soul. Apparently, for me, this was clearly the case.
In fact, when I asked to see a higher truth, I was shown that prior to meeting my “abusive boyfriend” in high school, I subconsciously believed that I was unworthy and powerless, and this set the stage for victimhood. Consequently, by fulfilling a pre-life agreement to wake me up early in life, he acted out my disempowering beliefs. However, if I did not believe that I was both unworthy of love and also deserving of abuse, he never could have played the perpetrator who victimized me, and, if I did not believe that I was powerless, the abuse never could have escalated to such heights.
Since life is a feedback system, if someone does not have beliefs about victimhood or powerlessness, there’s no need for a perpetrator to act them out, and, in fact, without a person having these beliefs, a perpetrator cannot act them out!
In fact, no one can ever do anything to you (externally) that you first don’t do to yourself (internally via beliefs).
Through our own disempowering beliefs, we imprison ourselves from the inside-out,
and by releasing the beliefs that trap us in disempowerment, we free ourselves, and, at the same time, we free those who play our perps!
While unconsciously playing the part he agreed to play, my “volunteer perp” beat me senseless until I woke up and rose above my own disempowering beliefs! By fulfilling our soul agreement, I was forced to claim my power and worth, and once I did, our agreement was complete. Therefore, as I saved myself, Hal was released from the part he played for me!
The truth is, I survived victimhood to discover that I was never really a victim!
Since beliefs create your reality, your beliefs make you the creator of every experience, and as the creator, you are responsible for your own disempowering circumstances, and this means that you can never be a victim. Keep in mind that although no one has power over you or your life, if you believe someone does, you could prove yourself right.
From this Grand View, can you begin to see how the “victim” creates his or her own reality?
Maybe you’re thinking, if this is all true, why do children experience abuse? Well, keeping in mind that an all-powerful soul lives within every child, early childhood experiences often represent specific beliefs that our soul’s want to experience and overcome.
No doubt, in order to heal the trauma of abuse and victimhood, we must release the disempowering beliefs at cause. Moreover, all emotional wounds and unhealed emotional trauma funnel down to one or more of three disempowering beliefs (powerlessness, unworthiness, and victimhood), and, therefore, these are the beliefs we must identify and release.
Additionally, since victimhood is transcended through the expression of power, we must also embody our power through tangible demonstration, and this means that our actions, behaviors and choices must demonstrate self-empowerment. Evidenced by speaking one’s truth, setting and enforcing boundaries, taking actions that overcome fear, etc….
Looking back on my courageous escape, not only did I have to believe that I had the power to save myself, I had to prove that I could!
Clearly, it’s impossible to be both a victim and self-empowered at the same time, and, therefore, if victimhood creates a sense of identity (as it often does), before we can be fully empowered (and heal), the victim identity must be dropped.
As the bridge from victimhood to victory, self-empowerment is key! However, self-empowerment is relative to self-responsibility, and this means that we must take full responsibility for the experiences caused by our beliefs.
So, before I could fully heal the emotional trauma of victimhood, I had release the belief in powerlessness, and not only did I have to stop identifying as a victim, I also had to claim responsibility for my own victimhood – and this meant relinquishing blame.
Say “No” to Blame!
The act of blame is only possible when we believe that we are powerless and someone has (or had) greater power. However, the hidden cost for shifting responsibility (via blame) is our own disempowerment.
Regardless of past or present circumstances, each time we project blame, we give our power to the one we blame, and because we need this power to heal, our emotional wounds deepen with age. While feeding our own powerlessness, the act of blame perpetuates victimhood, and by blaming another, we project the power needed to heal!
No matter how you look at it, shifting responsibility inhibits healing and perpetuates unnecessary suffering.
However, let’s be clear; although you must take responsibility for the unconscious beliefs that result in disempowering circumstances, this does not mean that you are deserving of mistreatment nor were you ever deserving, and, therefore, there’s absolutely no reason for shame.
By claiming responsibility for disempowering circumstances, you activate your intrinsic power – and this power allows you to heal!
Whether we realize it, or not, we are always 100% responsible for every experience and this means that we are never really powerless. However, as long as perception is filtered through shame, regret, guilt, blame, resentment, etc…, it’s impossible to see the full picture nor comprehend the higher purpose of challenging experiences. Therefore, before we can understand how or why we created disempowering relationships, emotional trauma, or painful experiences, all limiting interpretations of the past must be questioned – and the filters of misperception cleared.
Just like “metaphysical alchemy,” the wisdom of the ages healed me from within, and once Universal Truth illuminated my disempowering beliefs, I was awakened and set free!
Now, with unclouded vision, it’s perfectly clear to see that I was never really a victim, and, in fact, Hal enacted the part best suited for him and me, and, instead of being motivated by hate, as I once believed him to be, it’s now clear to see that he played the perp out of love for me!
Although I would not attain this level of clarity for many years, the moment everything came into focus, the idea of forgiveness dissolved into enormous gratitude! Although I never got the chance, if I could, I would say, “Hal, thank you for waking me up – and making me save my own life!”
By looking beyond the obvious, the illusion begins to dissolve, and if we allow the truth to come into full view, we can begin to see that every victim holds the key for victory!
Release Disempowering Beliefs
During this 30-minute Quantum Reprogramming process, you’ll be guided to release disempowering beliefs (unworthiness, powerlessness and victimhood) while you active your intrinsic worth and power.
Free with instant access, go to www.nanice.com/believe.
Copyright: Nanice Ellis 2019. All rights reserved
Is There a White Elephant In Your Way? The Guidebook for Awakening and Self-Empowerment!
Whether you are looking to reclaim your life, improve relationships, attract more abundance or you are ready to wake-up, “Is There a White Elephant in Your Way?” provides the revolutionary answers you have been seeking.
Your life is a Divine Gift, waiting to be lived fully! As this unique guidebook shows you exactly how to overcome the ego and live as your True Empowered Self, you will learn how to recognize and understand the unconscious dynamics that have run your life, and step by step, you will be able to overcome your own inner blocks and outer issues, so that, one day soon, life overflows with joy and fulfillment!
So… Is there a White Elephant in your way?
The answer is yes, if you ever…
- Experience irrational fear or incessant worry
- Sabotage your big dreams or undermine your dearest desires
- Battle reoccurring issues in relationships, career, health or financial matters
- Feel like you are not yourself but don’t know why
- Get inspired but lack the motivation to follow through
- Believe that your greatest potential is out of reach
- Lack the energy to live your life the way you want to live it
- Worry about what other people think (especially about you)
- Beat yourself up with criticism but can’t seem to stop
- Play small or hide your gifts despite the compelling drive to live your life to the fullest
Discover the hidden key to unlocking your greatest potential and the real secret to being limitless!
“Is There a White Elephant in Your Way?” is available here in Kindle and Paperback editions.
About the author:
Nanice Ellis has been a professional Life Coach for over 20 years, successfully coaching women and men from all over the world. She is also an author, Theta Healer and Master Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.
Helping people to make quantum jumps in their lives, Nanice’s very unique coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect”. By using powerful and proven manifestation techniques, Nanice coaches people to tap into the power of the Universe and live their dreams, bridging the gap from the imagination to the realization of that dream. She works with leaders, coaches, healers and anyone who wants to live life to the fullest. You can learn more about the coaching programs offered at: Coaching Programs with Nanice.
Nanice is the author of several books, including the inspirational “The Infinite Power of You!” and “Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad!”, and her latest book, “Is There a White Elephant in Your Way? The Guidebook for Awakening and Self Empowerment” She is also the host of radio show Chai with Nanice. Her books are available at Nanice.com/6/Books and right here on Amazon.
Connect with Nanice at Nanice.com.
Recommended articles by Nanice Ellis:
- Raising Awake Children in a Broken School System
- Escaping the Matrix of Depression – The Truth About Depression Shall Set You Free
- Tired of Being a Negativity Sponge? 12 Ways to Prevent Energy Infiltration and Reclaim Your Energy
- Is Ayahuasca Mother Nature’s ‘Red Pill’?
- Overcoming Negative Thinking – The #1 Cause of Chronic Depression
- How To Help Others Spiritually Awaken
- How to Heal Emotional Trauma
- The 5 Stages of Awakening – Signposts and Pitfalls on the Path of Consciousness
- Are You More Awake Than Your Family? 12 Ways to Heal Relationships When Your Family Is Still Asleep
- Why You Should Forgive Your Parents… and How To Do It!