What Happens When You Stop Believing the Ego

June 10th, 2025

“The ego is only an illusion.” At first, this sentence might sound dismissive. It’s often repeated in spiritual circles—sometimes too casually, as if the ego were something that could simply be erased, as if it had no weight or influence.

But the ego feels very real. It reacts, fears, controls, gets offended, wants to prove itself. So how can it be “just” an illusion?

Because it seems real—but it’s not. Like a shadow, it appears, it takes shape, but it has no true substance.

The ego isn’t a real “thing”—it’s a mental construct we recreate again and again based on the past. The ego is a story—the story of “me.”

An inner voice that constantly tells you who you are, what you deserve, what you lack, what you must fix, gain, or protect.

As long as you believe that voice is you, the ego becomes your reality. But the moment you start observing it instead of believing it—it begins to unravel.

Its true nature is revealed: a constantly shifting, reactive illusion that only holds power when it’s not seen clearly.

So this sentence is not a shallow cliché—it’s the beginning of a deep, liberating realization: the one you think you are, you are not.

And what remains when that illusion dissolves—is pure, spacious, nonjudgmental presence.

What Is the Ego—and Why Do We Think We Are It?

The ego is a system of automatic responses. It’s the self-image built from past experiences, societal feedback, fears, wounds, and desires. A protective mechanism that believes: if I control, I survive.

But the ego is never stable. It constantly seeks validation, defends itself, compares itself. That’s why it always lives in a sense of lack.

The ego cannot rest—because it is born of separation and scarcity.

The Ego Is Not Your Enemy—but It’s Not Your True Self Either

The ego isn’t evil. There’s no need to “defeat” it. It’s simply a role we’ve played. A costume we put on—but not our skin. A voice that once protected us—but now limits us.

This realization isn’t an attack—it’s an invitation: to return to who you are without the ego.

To the pure, spacious awareness that watches quietly, that is fully present—and doesn’t need to be “someone.”

How to Recognize When the Ego Is Speaking

The ego always feels tense. It wants to prove itself. It says, “I am right.” It says, “Something is wrong—with me or with you.”

It expresses as:

urgency
defensiveness
jealousy
comparison
possessiveness
the need to please
overprotection or over-sacrifice.

The moment you recognize these as ego patterns and stop identifying with them, the illusion begins to dissolve—and your true nature shines through.

What Happens When You Stop Believing the Ego?

Silence arises. Not because the ego disappears—but because it becomes transparent.

You no longer believe that you are the one who fears, rushes, defends, attacks, or sulks.

You see that these are just reactions—and there is something deeper in you that sees them but doesn’t get entangled.

What Remains When the Ego Goes Quiet?

Stillness. Spaciousness. Simplicity. Lightness. A sense that there’s nothing to prove, no identity to maintain—because you already are whole.

This is not passivity—it’s the most natural state of being: being yourself without effort.

The Ego as Illusion: Smoke Mistaken for Substance

The ego seems real only as long as we give it full belief and attention. But if you learn to observe it without reacting, the illusion begins to fade.

And what emerges behind it is something that doesn’t crave, doesn’t fear, doesn’t compare—it just is.

That presence—that’s you. It always has been. You simply believed you had to be someone else for a while.

Inner realization: “I noticed that the same drama was playing out in me again. The familiar story: ‘I’m not good enough.’ But this time, I just watched. I didn’t identify. And the thought faded, like smoke. I didn’t have to fight it—I just didn’t believe it.”

Excerpt from Frank M. Wanderer’s new book Spiritual Clichés: And What Lies Beneath Them

About the author:

Frank M. Wanderer, Ph.D, is a professor of psychology, a consciousness researcher and writer, and the publisher of several books on consciousness. With a lifelong interest in the mystery of human existence and the work of the human mind, Frank’s work is to help others wake up from identification with our personal history and the illusory world of the forms and shapes, and to find our identity in what he calls “the Miracle”, the mystery of the Consciousness.

You can follow Frank online at:

Frank is also the author of the following books:

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