Are You In Relationships Or Entanglements?

Are You In Relationships Or Entanglements?

September 27th, 2016

By Diana Rose Kottle

Guest writer for Wake Up World

Do you know the difference between being in a “relationship” with someone and being in an “entanglement” with them?

The idea of relating vs. entangling with others is something I struggled with personally for a long time. I also saw this phenomenon show up in my clients and realized how Universal it actually is. After over a decade of counseling and coaching clients, I’ve come to discover that most people think they are in “relationship” when in fact they are “entangled” and enmeshed with another. This is not romantically specific and happens across the board in all types of connections with other people.

Entanglements can get messy quickly and have a quality of need and a flavor of co-dependence to them. There is often a desire to change the other person. Other times they show up as completely merging in bliss with another, and result in a loss or collapse of self. You find yourself losing your own space and collapsing into what you are calling “The Relationship”. Entanglements often leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled and like something is ‘off’ internally.

Continue Reading – Are You In Relationships Or Entanglements?

The Problem With Romantic Love — and How the Ancient Greeks Can Help Solve Our Dilemma

The Problem With Romantic Love — and How the Ancient Greeks Can Help Solve Our Dilemma

September 6th, 2016

By Carolanne Wright

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

“Grown up, we hope for a re-creation of what it felt like to be ministered to and indulged [as infants and children]. In a secret corner of our mind, we picture a lover who will anticipate our needs, read our hearts, act selflessly and make everything better. It sounds ‘romantic’; yet it is a blueprint for disaster.” ~ Alain de Botton, “The Course of Love”

At first glance, it may appear that writer and philosopher Alain de Botton has an axe to grind regarding romantic love. He seems to believe it’s one of the more foolish ideals we human’s have come to expect — the soulmate, kindred hearts, forever loving the other with an all consuming passion. But before writing him off as embittered, cynical or possessing a supreme lack of imagination, consider the ancient Greek viewpoint on love — which encompasses over thirty different kinds, only one of which could be construed as vaguely romantic.

With a divorce rate hovering between 40-50 percent in the United States, is it time we embrace what the ancients knew long ago?

Continue Reading – The Problem With Romantic Love — and How the Ancient Greeks Can Help Solve Our Dilemma

The Drama Triangle: Are You a Savior, Victim, Perpetrator… or All Three?

The Drama Triangle: Are You a Savior, Victim, Perpetrator… or All Three?

29th August 2016

By Lissa Rankin

Guest writer for Wake Up World

Savior, Victim, Perpetrator: The Three Roles of Victimhood

Unless we heal our core wounds, most of us spend our lives busy playing either savior, victim, perpetrator, or – very often – all three. Let me give you an example of what I mean by that. Meet Jill, who is simultaneously the savior, the victim, and the perpetrator.

The Savior

Jill had a rough childhood and grew up feeling unworthy. Her core wound is the limiting belief “I’m not good enough.” So to slap a Band-aid on her core wound ,and prove to herself and the world that she’s valuable and worthy, she become the world’s most helpful person. When she was young, she helped other kids with their homework, gave money to people she barely knew, volunteered at the nursing home, and doted on her best friend like she was royalty. When she got older, she started a nonprofit aimed at helping save the world.

Continue Reading – The Drama Triangle: Are You a Savior, Victim, Perpetrator… or All Three?

8 Steps to Turn Conflict Into Spiritual Gold: A Practice

8 Steps to Turn Conflict Into Spiritual Gold: A Practice

12th August 2016

By Lissa Rankin

Guest writer for Wake Up World

Let’s say conflict arises when you’re with someone. It could be anyone — a friend, your spouse, your child, your boss, a stranger in line at the grocery store, your employee. Something happens, and you are triggered. The story of what triggers you doesn’t matter so much. Someone cut you off in traffic. Your boyfriend is flirting with another woman. Your mother criticized you… again. Your boss demeaned you… again. You child just overstepped the boundary you set… again. Or it could be more serious. Your husband cheated. Your daughter stole from you. Your boss made a pass at you. Your best friend just slept with your girlfriend. Your business partner embezzled from you.

Regardless of the story, what’s important to begin this process is the awareness that you are triggered, so you can initiate the following practice instead of reacting unconsciously at the moment of the trigger.

Continue Reading – 8 Steps to Turn Conflict Into Spiritual Gold: A Practice

Relationships on the Spiritual Path

Relationships on the Spiritual Path

5th August 2016

By Lissa Rankin

Guest writer for Wake Up World

One of the most common topics people who read my blog email my way is some variation of the question, “I’m on the spiritual path, and it’s affecting my closest relationships. How do I navigate this consciously?” This article is written in response to those questions.

Comfort, Soul Growth & Judgment

For most of my life, I valued relationships that are easy. You know the ones, where someone finishes your sentences for you, anticipates and meets your needs before you have them, sits with you peacefully and wordlessly because there’s nothing to “process,” and offers you comfort. These people rarely have conflict with you. They validate and value you. They’ve got your back. They’d do anything to avoid hurting you. They uphold your image of yourself or even uplift it. They remember your birthday and bring you soup when you’re sick. You feel like you’re resting in a nest of feathers when they walk in the room. It’s just so easy to be with them.

I still value these kinds of relationships—deeply. In fact, I’m almost becoming nostalgic for those kinds of relationships. Yet, there’s a potential shadow side to this kind of relationship. In choosing people who validate our self-image, we may be looking outside ourselves for evidence of our worthiness, wholeness, and “enough”-ness.

Continue Reading – Relationships on the Spiritual Path

The Black Sheep – Is It Okay to Leave Your Biological Family?

The Black Sheep – Is It Okay to Leave Your Biological Family?

By Lia Love

Guest writer for Wake Up World

“You did not invent these family habits. Your family is like mine; for thousands and thousands of years our families have embraced a dysfunctional lifestyle, passing these habits as gospel on to subsequent generations. This was not done out of malice, spite, or hate, but what they knew best.” ~ David W. Earle

As we heal our family-related aspects, our personal energy patterns and behaviors change. As we evolve, awaken and become more aware, our past participation in negative family patterns emerge, are magnified and become obvious. Our participation no longer appeals to or nurtures us. This can be especially so if trauma and drama are the norm within the family.

Because of the connectivity with our biological family, our healing impacts the family patterns. Our healing may be a premium invitation for the family to take a look at their own unhealed and active aspects, especially family-related ones. Yet there can be resistance to our change, and their healing, if established familial patterns continue to serve them. Families can become stuck in ruts, comfortable with the status quo and unwilling to make the herculean step of getting out of disfunction.

Continue Reading – The Black Sheep – Is It Okay to Leave Your Biological Family?

Humans Crave Connection: Why Loneliness is Dangerous to Health

Humans Crave Connection: Why Loneliness is Dangerous to Health

18th June 2016

By Razi Berry

Guest writer for Wake Up World

Humans are social animals. We naturally bond and pair as couples in partnerships and marriage. We live together as families and tribes, and we gather as communities. No doubt this is a manifestation of our spiritual selves which are never alone. This concept has many forms of dress. We call it our connection to God, or with our higher Self, or our oneness with Nature. In some religious traditions, we are all spiritual children of the Creator, or the Great Spirit. In others, as in Kabbalistic traditions, we originate from sparks of one light.

This tradition offers a beautiful illustration of how we are connected to one Source. It tells of a Godhead, an infinite, all permeating light with no beginning or end that filled the entire universe with no empty space. Out of a divine will, the Infinite, contracted Itself unto Itself to create a space where there was only fullness. Ten vessels (Sefirot) were then formed to hold this light. These vessels are said to be filled with the light of ten attributes of how God reveals himself to us, and to Himself. The attributes are:

Continue Reading – Humans Crave Connection: Why Loneliness is Dangerous to Health

6 Signs Someone In Your Life is a ‘Control Freak’ … and What To Do About It

6 Signs Someone In Your Life is a ‘Control Freak’ … and What To Do About It

6th June 2016

By Dr. Kelly Neff

Guest writer for Wake Up World

We all know someone who is a “control freak.” He or she can’t seem to stop giving unsolicited advice or tell you what to do, and how to do it. At first, you might actually get along, but soon you realize that the attitude of “listen to me, I know better!” seems to permeate the majority of their interactions, and will ultimately end up pushing people away. Control freaks feel compelled to orchestrate and manipulate people and situations to make sure everything goes “their way,” and even if though their intentions might be benign, it can cause a lot of pain.

Psychologist Thomas J. Schumacher best describes a control freak’s struggle: “Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help. Understand that they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, rehearsed debaters and excellent at distorting reality.”

Continue Reading – 6 Signs Someone In Your Life is a ‘Control Freak’ … and What To Do About It

Polyamory: Is it Really Possible to Romantically Love More Than One Person at the Same Time?

Polyamory: Is it Really Possible to Romantically Love More Than One Person at the Same Time?

21st May 2016

By Dr. Kelly Neff

Guest writer for Wake Up World

One the greatest struggles of our modern monogamous relationships is the limitation of only being able to romantically “love” one person at the same time. It feels confusing and counter-intuitive, because we know we can “love” so many people at once, across our family, friends and others. But in monogamy, if we love more than one person romantically, we are causing harm to the relationship and violating the agreements we have made to be exclusive. Some people lie and cheat because they cannot reconcile their love for another with their love for their partner. Others feel forced to break- up. Others live feeling ‘trapped’ and miserable, wondering what might have been if they had pursued their desires.

In my journeys through love and I life, I have experienced another way. It might not be the ‘right’ way for some, but for me, it feels more natural…

Continue Reading – Polyamory: Is it Really Possible to Romantically Love More Than One Person at the Same Time?

Emotional Intelligence and Intimacy

Emotional Intelligence and Intimacy

By Bernhard Guenther

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

Intimacy is often times mistaken for physical closeness: hugging, cuddling, kissing, sex. However, if there is no emotional intimacy, as in emotional relating and a feeling of safety in a relationship, then physical intimacy can only go that far.

For many people, physical intimacy comes easier than emotional intimacy. For others it is the other way around. Often times people avoid emotional intimacy by focusing on physical intimacy, using sex to buffer up their vulnerability. But in order to truly open up to a partner and go deep, we need to feel safe and be able to share emotional intimacy, our fears, mistakes, and pains and receive each other with compassion and empathy. 

Continue Reading – Emotional Intelligence and Intimacy

11 Relationship Tips for When the Shit Hits the Fan

11 Relationship Tips for When the Shit Hits the Fan

By Jack Adam Weber

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

For many, intimate relationship is not easy, at all. For all the excitement of attraction and attachment, we also get stirred up, hurt, neurotic, frustrated, stressed, and challenged to the max. Whether it’s longing, disagreements, misunderstandings, or simply our own unhealed emotions surfacing, it’s helpful to have some tools to navigate the tricky and tempestuous turns of deeply loving and being loved by another human being.

I hope these suggestions and invitations help you; please add any thoughts you can offer in the ‘comments’ section below, or join the conversation on Facebook.

Continue Reading – 11 Relationship Tips for When the Shit Hits the Fan

Looking for Love? Two Very Good Reasons to Be Single!

Looking for Love? Two Very Good Reasons to Be Single!

(Hint – reason #2 is a key to finding your soul mate!)

By Nanice Ellis

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

It is fairly easy to see that society defines us by our relationship status, with those being in committed relationships having more status than those who are single. Friends, family, culture, society, TV, and, even Facebook posts, all tell us that we should be part of a couple.

If I’m honest, I have to admit that I bought into this hook, line and sinker; from the age of fourteen on, there was always a guy in my life. Like most people, having a relationship was of utmost importance, and, as a result, I often compromised other areas of my life. If I wasn’t in some sort of relationship, I felt empty inside, which only reinforced the hunt for Mr. Right.

I was on a perpetual roller coaster ride of seeking, finding, questioning and ultimately, letting go. There was a great deal of heartache and pain on the downside of this endless relationship ride, resulting in two failed marriages, and I don’t know how many “dead-end” relationships.

Continue Reading – Looking for Love? Two Very Good Reasons to Be Single!