How to Free Yourself from Codependency and Abuse

By Hilde Larsen

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

First of all, abuse is not only the obvious. YOU are abusing you, and any time you are falling for any form of control or patterns of codependency it is abusive to your free soul expression and creativity. I will teach you a simple exercise that can help you change how you live and free you from the negative attachments to other people.

First of all, why would you want to cut cords? Well, think about it. Without even knowing it we hold on, cling, are emotionally attached to people and look to them for approval. And THAT might be on the positive side.

Manipulation, narcissism, obvious abuse, are so common today. Sadly, so “Normal”. You see, this world is the home of so many people who hurt, and hurt people do hurtful things. Abuse has become more and more common, as if we lost our way completely and forgot how to live compassionately and free, honoring each other fully. Well, YOU can do better, by simply changing YOU.

You see the good news is, you can free yourself from the invisible prison it is to live from the perspective that you need to please fit in, feel superior or simply confused and lost. Through cutting the cords that energetically keep you emotionally connected to another human being, you will be set free. Not “loose them, not separate from them, only break the spell of dependency and abuse.

I want to introduce you to a simple exercise that will allow you to free yourself from old patterns and connections to others without involving them. Only you.

Forgiving everything, absolutely, freeing yourself. The bottom line is this: Everything is about you. It is all on you. How you want to be treated, how you cling or let go.

Everything you perceive as your truth is on you.

Everything you see from your eyes, it’s always going to be subjective and it’s always going to be created from where you are at the moment.

Why is cutting the cords so important?

Our lives can be confusing, simply because we no longer know what-is-what. What is me and what is them. What do I really want and what do I do out of expectations from others. Or simply from the fear of losing something. Anything.

Maybe you already changed your diet.

You might have even started to change some of the things in your life that aren’t working.

Maybe you realized some of your relationships weren’t working.

Maybe your job wasn’t right for you.

Maybe you weren’t living in the perfect space for you.

Still, you feel held back by something that has an invisible hold on you. Something hard to define. Something the mind cannot resolve.

More good news is this: You don’t have to know the specifics to start the process of amazing change for yourself.

Cutting the cords is simply about walking away from letting another soul control how you feel about your life. If anyone triggers you, this is a good sign that they’re one of those sorts of people. By that I mean, if anyone can get under your skin, there are energetic emotional cords. Let them lose.

Where to start:

  1.  Sit down and make the slit. Find your journal and let it pour. Writing by hand can be so powerful, so that is what I recommend.
  2. List all the people that you feel have wronged you. List the people who still get under your skin. Maybe you have a feeling of being dependent on them. It doesn’t need to be negative per se.
  3. You will do the exercise thinking of one person and one person alone until you feel all those cords are cut before you move on to the next person. It may take more than one session.

I assure you, your life will change. What happens around you will change. It´s almost spooky how things will unfold different. THIS is how powerful we are. Just by being US: Your relationships will change, just by you doing this. The power of intent and visualization is amazing, and this is a great skill to add into your healing toolbox.

 Spend 10 minutes per day for a week and do the following: 

Now that you have your list, pick a name. the one you feel most towards. Most of us knows exactly who needs to go first. Then, find a nice, quiet space where you won’t be disturbed and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and find peace and stillness. Focus on your heart and find love. Breathe from your heart.

  • In front of you, visualize a small stage, the kind that you did school plays on. You see this person in question walking out on the stage and then you see yourself walking out onto the same stage; you’re standing there opposite each other, looking at each other about three, four or five feet apart, then moving closer. In peace.
  • You’ll be able to see that there are cords connecting you and this other person. The cords may go from forehead to forehead, from throat to throat, heart to heart; the connection is going to be unique for the two of you. Sometimes the cords may even be entangled, like you’re bound together with a lot of rope.
  • In your mind’s eye, begin to cut them, starting at the top. Use whatever tool you need. It could be a knife. It could be a pair of scissors. Maybe even an ax. Anything. As you cut them, say, “I forgive you for everything” and hear the person say it back, “I forgive you for everything”.
  • You might find some cords are very hard to cut. Spend time. You might even have to come back later, but don’t worry. Feel the love in your heart and allow that person to just float up into the light.

And again, sometimes the cords are really hard to cut. Sometimes it might seem impossible to do it. I had one person in my life where I tried everything until I literally had to pull that cord out roots and all. When I finally removed that cord, I can honestly say though that something shifted deep within me. I released years of narcissistic abuse.

Know that you cannot lose a relationship by doing this. If someone walks away, it will serve you. It can only get better for YOU.  We tend to want to hold on, even though it’s not healthy for us. Why? The fear of being alone. Suck a killer of joy and bliss. We would rather live with crap than with what we believe is nothing.

Remember, one space can only be filled with one thing, so every time you let something go you are inviting in something new. Make sure it is something better.

By cutting the cords, you are no longer standing in the way of your magnificence, standing in the way of you shining.

Be empowered to let go and stand free.

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About the author:

Hilde Larsen, known as ‘the one who Inspires’, is the CEO and founder of She is a certified Health and Mindset Coach, an Author, a Keynote Speaker, Detox Specialist, Raw food Teacher and Life-Enthusiast. Her glowing enthusiasm for health and vitality has the leading role in her work. Her interest in healing and spiritual growth also led her to become a Reiki Healer. She is highly intuitive and has a strong connection to Mother Earth and the spiritual world.

Born and raised in Stavanger, Norway, she and her husband of 29 years have a second home in Florida, USA. She is a proud mother and grandmother, and a tree-hugger at heart. Called by nature and spirit, she is inspiring many to take back their power, and to live a healthy successful life doing what they love. Hilde now spends her time traveling between Norway and Florida, speaking, and appearing on different media as the Inspired health and thought leader. She is an authority in her field who has walked her talk. She also values the time with her clients, and her time in nature with her closest family and friends.

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