By Nanice Ellis
Contributing Writer for Wake Up World
Do you ever find yourself taking on the negative energy of others? If so, you are not alone. Most of us come in contact with numerous people every day – who bring us down.
We all feel it. We know when we are with someone who is high-spirited and happy or someone who is low and unhappy, but why is it so easy for others to affect us in negative ways? Some of us cannot even go into supermarkets without taking on the woes of everyone in the store. In order to shield ourselves from negative energy, we must first understand how our energy is infiltrated by others.
I worked as a crisis counselor at a well-known crisis center in New York for about seven years. I quickly figured out that if I was going to be successful at helping people, I couldn’t take on any negative energy. Because I uncovered the secret to keeping my energy clean and clear, I was able to assist thousands of people in dire need without once being adversely affected, and in fact, I consistently felt energized and fulfilled. If I can do it, anyone can.
Whenever you encounter someone, whether in the morning rush to the bathroom or over the conference table, an exchange of energy is at play. There is your energy and there is the other person’s energy. At some point in space the energies meet. If you could be a fly on the wall, you would witness an interesting dance of vibration – with the strongest energy leading the dance. This means that if you are not centered in your energy field, your energy could be infiltrated and influenced by that of your friend, spouse, child, friend, parent or perhaps a stranger. So even if you are having a good day and you meet someone who is spewing their bad-day-energy onto you, your good day will likely turn bad.
You have been hit by Energy Infiltration.
This all happens without consciousness, but what if you actually brought a higher state of consciousness to all your interactions and relationships? What if you could be responsible with your energy and not be negatively affected by anyone’s lower vibe? What could this do for the quality of your life? And, for the quality of your relationships?
If you are going to protect your personal energy, you must first realize that your energy is your most valuable resource. In other words, how you feel on any given day is your greatest source of power and attraction. If you feel good, you are more connected to your power and to your ability to consciously create. If you feel down, you are less connected to your power and you are likely unconsciously creating – more of what you do not want. When we allow the negative or incongruent energies of others to affect our energy, we give away our power and we lower ourselves vibrationally to a level where we do not have the ability to consciously create.
This means that it is all about you, and you don’t have to change anyone but yourself.
This is why it is essential to make “how you feel” the most important part of every day, and not compromise your energy for anything or anyone. So, how do you do it?
Reclaiming Your Energy and Preventing Infiltration
1. Don’t Use Negative Emotions as Tools for Connection
It’s natural to want to connect with others, but we often do this unconsciously by matching emotions. In other words, if your friend is sad, you become sad in order to connect with her. Or, if your partner is annoyed at something, you mirror that annoyance in order to get on the same wave length. The thing is, every time we use negative emotions as tools for connection, we compromise our own energy, and even if we want to help our friend, spouse, child or co-worker, we cannot offer effective support or guidance at the low emotional level of the problem. How can you help anyone if you are suffering with them?
If your friend is depressed, you don’t need to become depressed in order to connect with him. It is possible to offer compassion and understanding without compromising your energy. If you can maintain a higher level of emotional vibration, you can be of greater service, simply by creating a safe space for your friend to express his feelings without bringing you down.
2. Let Go of Responsibility
The quickest way to be affected by another’s negative energy is to feel responsible for them or their experience. Every time you feel responsible for another, you take on the responsibility as if it belongs to you, and your body, mind and spirit responds as if you really are responsible and you must fix the problem. In other words, you take on worry, stress and pressure that belongs to someone else.
Feeling responsible for another is like accepting their baggage as your own; hence, walking around with their weight on your shoulders. How many people can you do this for without getting overwhelmed or even sick? Sometimes our illnesses are the result of carrying problems that aren’t even ours. How much of what you carry doesn’t even belong to you? Really think about this.
No matter how much you care about someone, you are not responsible for them or their issues. You are responsible for you and your experience of them, but not for them.
Don’t think that you can help someone by taking on their stuff as your own. The best help you can ever provide is through keeping your vibe high and inviting others up to meet you. They may or may not come up, but that is also not your responsibility.
Once you release responsibility, you can actually show up in a more responsive way and possibly be of service, instead of part of the problem.
3. Stop Playing Judge
The act of judging immediately connects us to the source of our judgement. This means that if the other person’s emotional vibe is low, your vibe will quickly match. Thereby compromising your energy in exchange for judgment.
As soon as you judge someone’s experience, even if it is silently to yourself, you invite the energy of their experience into your own energy field. Because the mind does not know the difference between real and imagined, judging something about another opens you up to taking on the energy of whatever you are judging, as if it is happening to you. This includes gossip.
When we allow everyone their own experiences, we don’t take on their energy or the energy of their issues. If it is not about you, keep out. Your mental interference in someone else’s life is not worth the risk to your energy.
4. Drop the Sympathy
The moment you sympathize with someone, you energetically take on the symptoms of the person you are feeling sorry for. Yes, sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone. This means that you can catch a cold over the phone or feel pain in your body when you experience sympathy for another.
Feeling sorry for someone is actually judging their experience – so when you feel sorry for someone, you lower your vibe to match theirs – taking on all that negative energy.
When you feel sorry for another, you are actually imagining that they are stuck in their predicament and they are powerless to heal, change or consciously create a new reality. How does it help anyone when you are imagining the worst?
You cannot feel sorry for someone and imagine them empowered at the same time. When you imagine others empowered, you also empower yourself and raise your own vibration.
The evolution of sympathy is compassion. Compassion allows you to maintain a space of love and understanding for others without compromising your energy in any way. Can you love someone and allow their experience without feeling sorry for them? Can you trust that their experience is somehow perfect for growth, evolution and awakening?
5. Don’t Give Anyone Power Over You
We tend to allow our energy to be influenced by those who appear to have power over us: parents, teachers, bosses, authority figures, etcetera. If someone in authority is having a bad day, and spews it on us, we don’t hesitate to accept it, or maybe we even allow these people to dictate how we feel about ourselves
When you remember that everyone is a reflection of your own consciousness, it is easy to see that no one ever has power over you. They only have the power that you give to them through your thoughts beliefs and actions.
The more you own your power, the more control you will have over your vibration – and not take on energy that does not belong to you.
6. Let Go of Thinking That You Know Better
When we think that we know better and we try to change others, we instantly allow their energy to infiltrate ours. If you don’t want anyone to affect your energy, then it is important to allow everyone their own experiences and their own choices. Don’t even have opinions about their opinions. In trying to convince someone of your “know-how,” you are likely to compromise your own energy. Remember how you feel is your most important asset – sacrifice it for nothing and no one.
7. Stop Reacting to Others
Are there people in your life who attempt to get their energy through drama? In other words, they try to invoke negative emotional responses from you, in order to “get energy.” Maybe you are even doing this unconsciously to others?
The moment you react, you give your power away and you also accept the negative energy of the person causing you to react.
In order to be angry, resentful, jealous, etcetera, you must lower your vibration, and as soon as you are an emotional match to the other person, their energy infiltrates yours.
If you want to own your energy and stay positive, it is just not worth reacting. The cost is too great. This doesn’t mean that you cannot speak your truth and set boundaries in a way that supports you and the relationship. This can be done from a space of clarity and compassion.
8. Don’t Take Sides
Others may want to use your energy to support their cause, but if it is not about you, don’t make it about you. Allowing yourself to get in the middle of another’s squabble or cause, when you know it doesn’t concern you, is basically a waste of your valuable energy. You can support others without getting in the middle, and without allowing your energy to be poisoned by another’s issues.
9. Do Not Accept Blame
Even if someone blames you or is angry at you, you don’t need to take on their energy. My five year old grandson spilled his ice cream in the car and blamed me because I hit a bump in the road. We talked about him blaming me so that he could feel better about the loss of the ice cream, but he really felt worse. People blame us all the time for things that are out of our control. Just because someone blames you, doesn’t mean you have to take it on. If you are responsible, be responsible and rectify the situation, but don’t allow yourself to be someone else’s scape-goat. You do not even need to react to the blame – just let it pass.
10. Say “No” to People Pleasing
If you are a people pleaser, you are likely very good at giving your energy away and therefore being affected by other’s energy. Because people pleasers put others before themselves, they are not responsible with their energy and therefore they become energy sponges for everyone whom they are trying to please. It is not your job to please the world. In fact, you would do much better at pleasing others if you first pleased yourself, putting your own needs and wants in first place. It is okay to say, “No” and set boundaries that create a safe haven for you to be responsible for your own energy.
11. Stop Believing Others Beliefs
When two people meet, the one with the stronger beliefs about life often dominates the energetic dance, but only if you are not grounded in your own beliefs. You may consider various beliefs presented by others, but don’t be bullied by someone who thinks that they know best. Sometimes others will even think that they know what is best for us and they try to infringe their beliefs upon us in the name of caring, but only you know what is best for you. Follow your own inner guidance.
12. Mind Your Own Business
This might be a hard one, but it is none of your business what other people think about you. You cannot please all the people all the time, but it is also not your job to please anyone. It only matters what you think, and feel, about you. As long as you try to control other people’s thoughts and feelings about you, you subject yourself to their energy. It’s like you are telepathically saying, “Please tell me how I should feel about myself today.” When you no longer have interest in what the world thinks about you, something truly amazing happens. Your confidence soars and you become super attractive – energetically and even physically. As a result, others will actually think more highly of you, but you won’t care, and that is the point!
Being Responsible With Your Energy
Most people are not responsible with their energy, but this doesn’t give you permission to be irresponsible with yours. This means being consciously responsible for the energy that you receive and the energy that you project. Once you are completely responsible with your own energy, it doesn’t matter if someone is regurgitating their energy onto you – you won’t take it. Ironically, it will also happen a great deal less.
If you do take on another’s energy, it is important to remember that once you take it on, it becomes your energy – not theirs. If this is the case, notice in what of the 12 ways above you have allowed your energy to be infiltrated. Take responsibility for it. No one can force you to take their energy. As long as you blame another, you have no power to release it – thereby giving even more of your energy away.
Over time, you can train your energy upward to a threshold where others cannot bring you down. It might take some conscious effort to get there but once you do, life flows with ease and grace and you become a beacon of love and light for others.
Here’s how you can be even more responsible with your energy:
1. Own Your Energy
It is important to know how you feel prior to all interactions, so if there is any change in how you are feeling, you can identify it, and quickly release it by saying, “This is not mine – I release it.”
2. See the Innocence in Everyone
When you look deep, we are all really innocent. Seeing everyone as innocent and doing the best they can will allow you to stay positive, and not take on the negative energies of others.
3. Get the Happy-People High
When you do come in contact with happy or high energy people, join the party. Accept the gift of positive energy – just be careful not to depend on others to feel good.
4. Practice Letting Go
Living in a state of letting go allows you to keep your energy clean and clear. When you let go, negative energy cannot stick to you.
5. Don’t Play Catch
Just because someone throws you a dirty rag, doesn’t mean you have to catch it – let it go, and it cannot affect you.
6. Look for the Beauty
We tend to look for what is wrong in others – but, instead look for the beauty, and you will align with higher and higher aspects of others. People will feel your love and respond in turn, raising your vibration and theirs.
7. Be Kind to Yourself
The world is always reflecting the feelings and beliefs that we have towards ourselves. If you want others to address you more positively, you must also commit to doing this for yourself.
8. Set Boundaries
It is okay to let people know how to treat you and even how to speak with you. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries, such as: no gossiping, no judgement, no complaining. You might say something like, “You probably didn’t know this, but I am making how I feel the most important part of everyday, so I am no longer taking part in gossip or anything that feels judgmental toward me or anyone else.” You might add, “Would you like to join me?”
9. Share Positive Energy
If you are feeling good, show it. Smile, be generous and give compliments. Live out loud. Remember, the stronger vibration dominates all personal encounters. When you out-warded share positive energy, you won’t be affected by lower vibes and those around you will actually begin to feel better. This is how you make a difference every day!
10. Project Energy
Instead of surrounding yourself with a protective energy shield, imagine Divine Energy flowing into you and overflowing from you – creating an aura of light and love all around you. Allow this powerful energy to resonate from you and affect everyone you meet.
11. Trust Your Intuition
Your intuition is a superior inner guidance system and will always show you the way. When you don’t listen to your self and you put the desires of others first, you compromise your energy and you allow the energy of others to affect you. Every time you trust your inner guidance and take action accordingly, you strengthen your ability to protect your personal energy, and therefore you naturally keep-out negative energy.
When you ultimately reach a point where you don’t take on the energy of others, you are able to connect and respond from a higher level, where it is possible to feel what someone is feeling without acquiring their pains and woes. This is the Divine Experience of Compassion. From this pristine space, you can give love without compromising or sacrificing yourself in any way. Instead of feeling drained, you feel powerfully energized and have an abundance of positive and powerful energy to offer and share.
It is through this state of Higher Love, that you are truly of service to the world.
Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad
From the editor…
It’s easy to express your spirituality when life is going the way you want it to, but what happens in the middle of everyday chaos, when your days are not long enough, your car breaks down, and your significant other is driving you crazy?
Nanice Ellis’ book “Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad!” is not about Gandhi… or Buddha — it is a book about you and your spiritual journey through the chaos of daily life, the challenge of the modern day seeker. This book will help you to discover the secrets to making every day the spiritual adventure it is meant to be, and what it really means to be a spiritual being having a very human experience…
Previous articles by Nanice Ellis:
- Waking Up Is So Hard To Do… Alone
- Are Higher Vibrations Making You Sick? Integrating the Energetic Shift
- How to Heal Emotional Trauma
- Release the Ego – Transform the World
- Owning Your Personal Power – a Key to Awakening
- Healing Past Trauma
- True Forgiveness Leaves No Traces
- The Law of Prosperity – How to Make It Work for You
- Are We Programmed to Be Depressed
- Worthiness – a Key to Emotional Healing
- Conscious Commitment – Why Relationships Fail and How to Make Them Work!
About the author:
Nanice Ellis has been a professional Life Coach for over 17 years, successfully coaching women and men from all over the world. She is also an author, Theta Healer and Master Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.
Helping people to make quantum jumps in their lives, Nanice’s very unique coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect”. By using powerful and proven manifestation techniques, Nanice coaches people to tap into the power of the Universe and live their dreams, bridging the gap from the imagination to the realization of that dream. She works with leaders, coaches, healers and anyone who wants to live life to the fullest. You can learn more about the coaching programs offered at: Coaching Programs with Nanice.
Nanice is the author of several books, including the inspirational The Infinite Power of You! and Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad! She is also the host of radio show Chai with Nanice. Her books are available at: Nanice.com/6/Books and here on Amazon.