Guest writer for Wake Up World
You are by nature a relational being. You need relationships and you invest significant amounts of your vital energy into connections with those you love. Whether you are single, in a romantic union, in partnership, and with or without children, the quality of your relationships is probably the single most significant factor when it comes to your overall happiness and wellbeing. You have a deep need to build community and connection with other souls.
And yet, you may invest in your relationships in a way that can drain or entangle your energy. When your relationships are out of balance, they drain your vital energy. You may not even be aware of how your energy is being compromised.
It’s important to do the “relationship math” and figure out whether your intimate connections are essentially taking more of your vital force than they are giving. Are you gaining love and inspiration, or are your relationships siphoning your core personal power? If they are, you may ending up suffering from energy drain, exhaustion and emotional imbalance. But, once you take stock and consciously rebalance the energy exchange in your relationship, you effortlessly regain your vital force for yourselves — and hugely improve the quality of your life.
At the core of many relationship problems is that fact that we have have never been taught to consciously manage your boundaries. This should be taught in school as it is as fundamental to our success as literacy and numeracy, however, to the contrary, you may have programmed to relate in ways that actually undermine your boundaries or personal power — because these unhealthy and even toxic patterns have actually been held up as “ideals” to aim for. Movies, novels and the music industry actually glamourize and idealize relationship dysfunction such as co-dependency, sexual obsession, victim-perpetrator patterns and more. And the chances are that your parents did not embody ideal and conscious relationship patterns either, leaving you imprinted with less than ideal unconscious patterns.
Let’s look at some of the specific ways in which you might experience energetic drain and imbalance in relationships along with some conscious strategies for returning your relationship energy balance back from negative to positive!
1. Energy Drain or Caretaker Mode
Energy drain occurs when you consciously or unconsciously feel responsible for the wellbeing of others — and literally leak out vital force in order to donate your energy to helping them. You may be triggered into leaking out energy when you sense that someone is in need, but when this energy donation becomes long-term or happens in intimate relationships, you may be left completely empty. You may also be magnetically attracted to your polar opposite — energy vampires, people who through their own traumas and wounds are unable to source their own core energy, and who literally need feed off the vital energy of others to survive.
If you are empathic or intuitive this pattern can be lethal and lead to chronic tiredness and even illness. If you are a therapist or in the caring professions you may be leaking energy daily to your patients and clients, meaning that you are literally being drained in every working moment. This leads to professional burn-out and chronic fatigue.
Energy drain can manifest in numerous ways. You may at a subtle level be haemorrhaging out streams of vital personal energy to others. This energy will often come from your Womb Space (present in men as the Hara), or the seat of your personal energy and power.
Other signs that you are being drained include that you find yourself care-taking others emotionally and even financially. Ultimately, by care-taking, you are trying to protect your loved ones from taking responsibility for their own lives.
To release yourself from being a care-taker mode do the following:
1. Affirm that you are NEVER responsible for the wellbeing, health, emotional health or financial situation of anyone but yourself (the only exception being your children until they reach legal adulthood).
2. Realize that your precious vital, emotional and personal energy actually CANNOT TRANSFORM, HEAL OR NOURISH others. It will never actually fill them, however much they take.That is why the drain is never-ending. All individuals must find the way to become energetically, emotionally and materially empowered and self-sour.
3. Make a conscious choice to call back all energy that you have leaked out. Literally pull this energy back to your Sacred Womb Space and other vital energy centers.
4. Clear any agreements that you have held to be the energetic, emotional or material caretaker of others and choose to see the other person in the relationship as powerful, sovereign, and capable of managing their own life, however challenging it may be for them.
2. Energy Entanglement or Co-Dependent Mode
Energy entanglement is the basis of co-dependency and relationship addiction. When you enter into entangled patterns, it is because you and the other person in the relationship both feel some kind of inner emptiness and mutually agree to feed from each other’s energy as a way to survive.
Entanglement is usually a two-way dance, a kind of toxic tango, where each person reaches out to the other through energy hooks or suckers, and hook into the energy space of the other person. Where there is sexual entanglement this happens at the level of the Womb. Where there is emotional entanglement, this happens at the level of the solar plexus.
Energetic and emotional entanglement can lead you to feel you cannot live or thrive without the other person, to feel constantly anxious about the other person, to be unable to get this person “out of your head” (obsessive thoughts or feelings), to experience sexual addiction and possessiveness, and suffer emotional confusion (not knowing if your emotions are yours or another person’s).
It can be very difficult to leave an entangled relationship, even when you know it is not good for you — because eventually you become addicted to the other person’s energy and they to yours.
Unfortunately this kind of relationship pattern is the one that is most idealized by the mainstream arts and media, and a slew of romantic songs and movies actually feature heavily co-dependent individuals agonizing over their tortuous love affair or the fact that “I can’t live with you”.
Here are some of the ways to release yourself from an entangled relationship:
1. Recognize that in a healthy relationship you should be feeling free, relaxed and joyfully centered in yourself, and that any form of addiction or co-dependency is a sign of entanglement.
2. Tune into your personal energy and ask, “Where am I plugged into the other person?” When you can sense this, consciously and even physically, pull out any hooks or suckers that are plugged into them, and command these hooks back to your center to be healed.
3. Tune into your personal energy and ask, “Where is the other person plugged into me?” When you can sense this, consciously and even physically, pull out any hooks or suckers coming from them into you. Send these back to the other person to be integrated and healed.
4. Command a clear light around each of you that dissolves any remaining ties or bonds. Affirm that your true energy and light comes from you alone, and that love can only occur in a relationship when each of you is energetically self-sourcing.
3. Energy Invasion or Victim Mode
Energy invasion occurs when you allow the subtle, emotional or physical energy of others to enter into your sacred energy space and displace or distort your own energy. Invasion can be very subtle or very obvious.
At the subtle end of the spectrum, you may be invaded with the subtle energies of others who are projecting their own un-integrated soul wounds into your physical or energy body (this happens frequently during sex, when the wounded masculine uses the sex act to release sexual or emotional wounds into the feminine).
At the extreme end of the invasion spectrum, you may experience sexual assault, physical assault, and verbal abuse. You may magnetically attract abusers when you hold an unconscious belief that you don’t have the right to your own sacred energy space and personal boundaries.
Being in an invasive relationship has numerous detrimental effects on your core energy.
First, your core energy becomes vibrationally polluted with the energy of someone else. This can lead to confusion around who you actually are, what you think, or how you feel — because someone else’s information is in your energy field.
Second, your energy can be literally squashed or compressed by energy invasion, meaning that you become unable to release your personal energy for creative self-expression. For example, you may feel unable to speak your truth and emotions, or express your creativity or sexuality in an authentic way.
Third, the trauma of being invaded can lead to your personal energy becoming displaced or fragmented, meaning that you lose access to different parts of your personal power. You become smaller, feel “less than”, and can eventually become a mere shadow of your true self (whose nature is to shine).
The way to release yourselves from being in energetically invasive relationships includes these steps:
1. Affirm that you have the right to own, love and define your own personal energy space. In order for you to experience health and integrity, only your energy belongs here — no-one else’s.
2. Affirm that no-one else has the right to enter into your energy space under any circumstances, and that you have the right to release yourselves from any relationship that is abusive or invasive on any level.
3. Actively release any energy from your energy space that is not yours, be it energetic, mental or emotional. Feel that this invasive energy is being turned into loving, healing light as you release it from your system.
4. Command that others cease to invade you, or find aligned and safe ways to terminate any kind of invasive relationship where your boundaries continue to be disrespected.
4. Energy Absorption or Saviour Mode
When you are in an energy absorption pattern, you are literally vacuuming in the unresolved trauma, pain and wounded energy of others in a conscious or unconscious attempt to heal or assist them.
You may be actively drawing in energy from outside of you — not to nourish yourself, but in an attempt to transform and heal this energy on behalf of others. Often this energy is being drawn into your Womb Space, a part of you that has huge creative and healing power. This pattern invariably comes with some form of unconscious or conscious “saviour contract” — where you are willingly or unwillingly taking on the role to save other people from their troubles or “sins”.
You may be magnetically attracted to a close relationship with someone who is unable or unwilling to clean and transform their own energy and are somehow playing “victim” in their own life. This scenario may become even more difficult if you are a sensitive and empath with poor boundaries or an overly-expanded aura or energy field. You may be unconsciously sucking in toxic energy from people around you up to hundreds of metres away. Having this energy absorption pattern when living in crowded cities or working with large groups can be utterly devastating for your energy levels and health.
You may become overweight, have chronic fatigue, insomnia, and even experience serious degenerative disease while still experiencing incessant worry and over-responsibility for the well-being of others around you.
You may become depressed as you are unable to transform and release the heavy emotional toxicity of other people. You may also find it increasingly difficult to be around others, becoming reclusive and isolated as the cost of being in contact with the outside world feels just too high.
Here are some ways to release yourself from an ‘Energy Absorption’ pattern:
1. Command the core energy in your Womb Space to stop hoovering up energy from outside of you — it does actually respond to this command!
2. Command that any energy that is currently in your body and energy field which does not actually belong to you now leaves, being transformed to healing light as it leaves.
3. Clear any Saviour contracts that you may hold — for example, the agreement to take on the problems of the world (a common contract), or the contract to save others from their suffering. Verbally release yourself from these contacts.
4. Affirm that your vital healing and transformative energy is only for you, and focus on your self-healing as an absolute priority, particularly physical and cellular detoxification of all the energy your have absorbed. Spend time in nature to recharge and cleanse your energy.
Moving towards conscious and empowered relationships that support and nourish you:
Detecting and healing these energy-distorting relationship patterns is crucial to you having at your disposal the core personal and creative power that you need to live your own inspired life to its fullest. It also helps you to leave behind outworn relationship paradigms and transform your current relationships, or attract new ones.
When your relationships become healthy and life-affirming, you will have so much more energy and inspiration available to you for doing and creating your joyful, soul-inspired life. And you will have so much more to offer: through your business, your healing arts, your creative work, or whatever outpouring of love and service wishes to come through your soul.
Conscious and empowered relationship occurs when two individuals understand that each is responsible for sourcing their core energy, self-love and personal creativity. They come together in freedom, but never invade, drain or entangle with the other. They maintain the integrity of their energy space, and they remain centered in their own self-loving core — the space from which infinite energy and love flows. They enjoy their connections, and beauty and growth springs from this. New things are born from the fertility of this union — new ideas, experiences and opportunities for growth. Even after the deepest sexual or emotional merging of souls, conscious beings each know how to return to their vital center and come back home to themselves.
Conscious relationships are one of the pillars of conscious and joyful living. Master this, and many other aspects of your life will align with far more ease and grace.
Do you want to reclaim your vital energy in your relationships and create your inspired life?
Join me at The Circle, an intimate coaching and healing experience for awakened women. This exclusive 16-week program for women starts 30th November. For more information visit: www.sacredwomanawakening.com/the-circle-online
Also by Diana Beaulieu:
- Healing the Womb: The Body’s Energetic Power Centre
- Are You a Modern Medicine Woman?
- 4 Steps for Healing the Womb’s Power
- 6 Traits of the Distorted Feminine … and 5 Ways to Bring Back the Natural Women Within
About the author:
Diana is the founder of Sacred Woman Awakening, a ground-breaking learning and healing programme for women who wish to heal their deep feminine wounds and step into their authentic and embodied power in a real, tangible and experiential way.
She also coaches men and women to empower themselves so they can experience their full divine potential in their inner lives and relationships, and contribute through their creative and professional offerings to the healing and transformation that is so needed on Mother Earth today.
Go to sacredwomanawakening.com to claim your free video series, The Self Love Miracle for Body, Soul and Relationships.