Guest writer for Wake Up World
Do you know the difference between being in a “relationship” with someone and being in an “entanglement” with them?
The idea of relating vs. entangling with others is something I struggled with personally for a long time. I also saw this phenomenon show up in my clients and realized how Universal it actually is. After over a decade of counseling and coaching clients, I’ve come to discover that most people think they are in “relationship” when in fact they are “entangled” and enmeshed with another. This is not romantically specific and happens across the board in all types of connections with other people.
Entanglements can get messy quickly and have a quality of need and a flavor of co-dependence to them. There is often a desire to change the other person. Other times they show up as completely merging in bliss with another, and result in a loss or collapse of self. You find yourself losing your own space and collapsing into what you are calling “The Relationship”. Entanglements often leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled and like something is ‘off’ internally.
True relating comes from a healthy and empowered space of wholeness. It feels light and connective and spacious. There can be a deep love and appreciation for the other person, with a knowing that your survival and happiness is not dependent on them.
I spent much of my own life entangling myself with other people’s energy instead of truly relating from my own space of Divine empowerment. My energy was constantly merging with other people as a way to make them feel more comfortable and I was afraid of getting in trouble for being who I really am. It felt safer to just blend into them and be a chameleon, instead of risking rocking the boat to assert my own space and needs. As a sensitive and empathic soul, I had no idea how to not collapse into another person. It felt natural for me to bend into someone’s energy field and merge with them, even though it was depleting and at times even felt really yucky.
It’s amazing how things can feel natural and yet are not in alignment with what is actually healthy or nurturing for our soul.
Early on we are taught/programmed/pulled to entangle (merge) with others energetically. We learn this as a way of following the rules and norms of society that throws a lot of “should’s” and suppressive beliefs at us to get us to conform to the mainstream agendas at play. We are taught to lower our vibration and dim our light, so as not to overwhelm or outshine others. We are taught that it is our responsibility to change who we are to make other people feel more comfortable. As the saying goes, “let’s not rock the boat”…
But guess what…?
You get to create your own rule set around this. And it’s 100% okay to rock the boat, to be exactly who you are and to start showing up differently in the world.
Yes, people and “entanglements” will exit your life, but those left standing will be the pillars (the true “relationships”) that are aligned with who you really are and support the evolution of your soul.
This old way of relating (which is really entangling and merging) no longer appeals to me. This new way of being (embracing my own wholeness) is something that I practice everyday now. I do this by holding my own space and observing the feelings that arise within me around wanting to people please or merge with other people’s energy fields.
As I honor my own experience and allow other’s to have theirs, I’ve found that something beautiful happens. There is a flowering of the heart and the aligned relationships quickly come into focus and blossom, while what is not aligned, simply drops away.
Through this practice of knowing my own space and energy field, my life has become rich with authentic, beautiful and heart-centered connections that deeply nourish my soul. It is no longer littered with draining entanglements that siphon or drain my life force energy.
Remember, only when you are whole and complete in yourself, can you attract another whole and complete being.
So the more love you give to yourself — the more you heal your inner wounding, distorted beliefs and need to entangle with others, and the more you decide to be exactly who you are in relating to other people — the more authentic empowered connections you will experience. You will move from “entanglements” to “relationships” and have the opportunity to fully love another from a wholehearted and complete space of being.
This is all part of what I call The Alchemy of Awakening. And so it is. Aho. Amen.
Recommended articles by Diana Rose Kottle:
- A Massive Wake-Up Call for Humanity
- Using Our Powerful Authentic Voice, Even When It’s Hard To Speak
About the author:
Diana Rose Kottle, MA, MFT is a Writer, Soul Alignment Coach™ & Psychotherapist — Inspiring Humanity to Awaken to who we truly are as Energetic Spiritual Beings through Being Authentic, Speaking Our Truth, Connecting to Our Inner Wisdom, and Attuning to Love.
Her professional training includes a BA in Psychology, an MA in Counseling Psychology, and a license in Marriage Family Therapy. She is the Founder of Mind Body Soulful™ and Soul Alignment Coaching™.
Diana Rose is a contributing writer for the Huffington Post and the author of ‘Drop Into Your Heart: Unlock A World Of Infinite Possibilities’.
You can connect with Diana Rose Kottle on Facebook and at www.dianarosekottle.com