Guest Writer for Wake Up World
Learning how to truly forgive is something we all need to learn, just as we learn lessons in school. And we are in a school of sorts. We come to this earth reality to evolve and remember who we are as divine beings. Forgiveness is a critical step in this growth.
But the ego wants vengeance. It tells us we have been wronged — that we are justified in not wanting to forgive. The ego tells us that by forgiving, we let the other person off the hook, which means they won’t suffer, but we will. That perspective reflects the ego’s vision of duality, where everyone is out for themselves, kill or be killed; where we either stay in control or risk our own safety; and where we need to withhold forgiveness to stay in power.
Thank goodness this is not how the Universe works. Science has shown us that only one unified field of energy exists. Nothing is separate from anything else. This is what the mystics and prophets from many religious and spiritual traditions have always told us. And this means that what we do to another, we do to ourselves.
Detached from Joy
When we refuse to forgive, we put ourselves in a prison cell of our own making. We rob ourselves of true joy. The ego may feel a sense of righteousness in not forgiving, but this does not bring a sense of joy. Joy comes from recognizing that we are One and taking actions that benefit everyone, such as forgiveness. Would we want to be forgiven if the roles were reversed and we had committed this horrendous action against another? Would we crucify ourselves as we want to crucify the other person?
Hopefully, the answer is that we would not. If we can’t honestly answer that this is the case, then we need to look at how we feel about ourselves. Many of us can’t forgive ourselves for the “sins” we believe we have done. Carl Jung, who was the father of analytical psychology, said that projection is one of the most common phenomena. When we can’t forgive others, we are not able to forgive ourselves. But self-forgiveness is one of the most important paths to healing ourselves and becoming more self -aware.
A New Perspective
When we forgive ourselves and others with a vision of Unity versus separation, we view our world from a completely different perspective. We see errors, not sins. We have great compassion for ourselves and for the other person. A large release happens, almost as if the action never occurred, or at a minimum, it can be easily forgotten. This is in marked contrast to the forgiveness the ego offers, which is more like, “I forgive you, but I won’t forget what happened.”
But that is not really forgiveness at all. With true forgiveness there is no emotional charge or energetic connection still tied to what happened. There is no need to remember a wrong. It’s not a matter of “I will always remember what you did.” And as mentioned above, everything in the Universe is energy. Thus, when we forgive, we are clearing or healing that energetic connection. What tied us to that other person in a “negative” way becomes free flowing.
Forgiveness is Healing
We forgive out of self-interest. We want to further our own healing and feel our own joy. But when we do something in the Universe that is for our highest good, it also becomes the highest good for the other person and for the whole.
What if the person we are forgiving does not know we are forgiving them — perhaps they’re a parent, long gone? And what if the person we’re forgiving is actively resisting our forgiveness because they feel guilty, and want to continue punishing themselves in a convoluted way? Even then, we still create healing. Once one person breaks and heals that energetic connection, it is healed for both.
Start with Self-Forgiveness
The best place to start this journey of forgiveness is with self-forgiveness. So, try this: write down a list of everything for which you crucify yourself. Don’t leave anything out. This needs to be a process of complete honesty where you don’t hide anything from yourself.
Bring all into the light and into your awareness. When we can see all of the ways we judge and don’t forgive ourselves, we can begin to examine why we hold these beliefs. We begin to understand what conditioning, maybe childhood or societal, has contributed to those beliefs.
We have each been conditioned in different ways, and we each judge ourselves in different ways. But when we can unravel this ball of false beliefs, we will see that there was really nothing solid there. Once we get past the false beliefs, we will discover the diamond within. Then we will reside in a place of compassion for ourselves and others — where forgiveness becomes automatic and we don’t have to work at it. This is a beautiful place of joy, peace and self-love. This is how we are meant to walk the earth as divine beings having a human experience.
About the author:
Lawrence Doochin is an author, entrepreneur, and devoted husband and father. A survivor of harrowing childhood sexual abuse, he traveled a long journey of emotional and spiritual healing and developed an in-depth understanding of how our beliefs create our reality. In the business world, he has worked for or been associated with enterprises from small startups to multinational corporations. He is the cofounder of HUSO sound therapy, which delivers powerful healing benefits to individuals and professionals worldwide. In everything Lawrence does, he strives to serve a higher good. His new book is A Book on Fear: Feeling Safe in a Challenging World. Learn more at lawrencedoochin.com.