Finding a Compatible Partner or Bonding in Pain

By Kanta Jacob Katz P.h.D.

Guest Writer for Wake Up World

No matter where you are in life, the dream of finding an amazing partner rains supreme.  Whether you have a current partner or you’re searching for a new one, the need to fulfill this possibility is one of life’s strongest desires. How many times have you thought if I could just find the right person all my problems would be solved and life would be wonderful?

Why is it so hard to find love? We have more access to communicate and connect, but it’s just not happening. There must be something fundamentally wrong with this equation. If you type into google finding a soul mate, 302,000,000 results are found instantly. It should be easy to attract into our life a healthy long-lasting fulfilling relationship.

Yet so many of our hearts are battered, bruised and just flat out broken. We go from one relationship to another always hoping that the next person is different. Quite often only to find out that was not the case.

We become more desperate and the pain continues, we respond by hunting for the next partner. Often injuring the wounded heart even more. Nowadays, some people actually believe they can just push the enter button on a website and fix the problem.

But we don’t take something into consideration: the broken heart needs care. It needs healing. It needs love. When we are wounded, we emit a signal that attracts other wounded people just as desperate for love. This creates the current social phenomenon of bonding in pain. Trying anything to fill that void, it’s common for people to use the halo effect to cover up the pain. The halo effect is a type of judgmental discrepancy, where a person makes an initial assessment of another person’s character toward life using small bits of information based on what they want to see, not what’s really there.

We see only what we want to see.  This behavior blocks our sensory perception which under normal circumstances keeps us safe. Once in effect, our ability to make wise choices is limited. This creates a repeated episode of the pain, causing more damage to the already bruised heart.

In short, before we can find a suitable mate, we must be willing to learn from our mistakes. We must take responsibility for our own choices that have created pain. We must nourish that part of self that just wants to be loved for who we are. There is no easy way to heal the broken heart. No quick fix but here are some recommendations to assist with the process.

Take time to relax, go to your favorite places and soak up the beauty.

Change old patterns in your life and create a new mindset.

Come to understand who and what you are.

Learn about how to develop a plan for self-love.

Find someone you can talk to who doesn’t commiserate with your pain but offers solutions to change your beliefs.

Take responsibility for your choices.

Find the beauty in yourself.

Open your heart to forgiveness.

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About the author.

Kanta Jacob Katz P.h.D. has been assisting people for more than thirty-five years. He is a spiritual counselor, and an advanced practitioner of Tai Yi – an ancient Chinese system of hands-on energy work. He is a Naturopathic Doctor with a Masters degree in Natural Health and a certified Hypnotherapist.

Kanta works with individuals and groups, guiding ones in the area of “spiritual nutrition” and healing in an enjoyable, playful manner. He has practiced in Los Angeles, California and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, The Luberon valley in Provence France and currently lives and practices at R.O.S.E. (Respecting Our Soul Essence), an alternative healing center he helped co-found, located in Athens Greece.

Kanta is also the author of the book “Play and Heal”, visit his website here.

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