Relationships…Where Do We Go Wrong?

14th February 2013

By  Susan Harper  Todd

Contributing Writer for  Wake Up World

Relationships…They are such a huge part of our lives…and we spend a lot of time thinking about them, worrying about them, being happy about them, being sad, being angry, being lonely in them…

So where do we go wrong???

We have forgotten the real purpose of relationships.

The purpose of relationships is to help us to be and decide who we really are. We are not here in order to be what someone else wants us to be, or to make someone else be what we want them to be. We are here to simply be us, to experience that and to share this experience of being us with someone else who is just being them.

But we have forgotten all this.

So what tends to happen in our relationships is this:

We say to the other person: “If you’ll be what I want you to be, then I’ll love you…and if you can’t be what I want, then I won’t”.

And because they want our love and don’t want to let us down, they try very hard, particularly at the start of a new relationship, to be and  do all these things. But eventually they just can’t any more…and they get resentful and angry at us trying to make them be how we want them to be.

But what we have to remember is that it’s not the other person’s responsibility to BE what we want, it’s their responsibility to show us WHAT we want. And they do that through what they’re not being – by not being what we want them to be, by not behaving how we want them to behave…

In other words, the people in our relationships provide us with the contrast that allows us to grow into who we really are, because we first have to know what we don’t want before we can know what we do want. And once we do know what we want our job is then to focus on that in order to attract it and to leave the other person to get on with just being them….

But this is where it all goes wrong….

Instead of focusing on what we want, we tend to focus on what we already have that we don’t want e.g. “he’s driving me crazy because he leaves wet towels on the floor, doesn’t help with the housework, never listens to me, leaves the loo seat up, doesn’t have any money, doesn’t love me…”… And because we’re focused on all of that, the law of attraction just gives us more of it. And then, to make matters worse, we try and make the other person BE what we want – and when they can’t BE it we resent them for it and withold our love…

So now we’re in the downward spiral….

But if only we could take our focus off them and the things we don’t want and instead work at focusing on what we do want, then we would find that either the other person becomes what we want (which happens more often than not) or the relationship fizzles out and we find someone who is a vibrational match to what we want.


Relationships are the perfect vehicle for creating the contrast in our lives that causes us to grow and evolve. It is through our relationship  to everything and everybody around us, and to the experiences we have, that we are able to constantly define and redefine ourselves – by asking ourselves who we are in relation to this person, that experience…by watching how we think and behave in relation to someone else’s energy, words and actions. And this of course is constantly changing.

Relationships are constantly challenging us to create better versions of ourselves. Which is why we need to bless and be grateful for every relationship we have – whether good or bad – for it is through these experiences that we are slowly uncovering the person we really are. And we can either be the result of things that have simply happened to us, or we can be the result of what we’ve chosen to be and do about those things. The latter is conscious creation…It is the key to becoming that amazing person we were born to be.

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Previous Articles by Sue Harper Todd

About the Author

I’ve been single, married, divorced and widowed. I’ve been a teacher, a translator, worked in business and now have my own company… I’ve sailed the Atlantic Ocean and I have climbed Mount Everest. I know! It sounds crazy but it’s true. I said I’d done it and I have, pretty much literally DONE it! I’ve plumbed the depths and scaled the heights in every sense of those words.

And I absolutely know that it was listening to, trusting and following my intuition that got me to where I am today. It got me out of the dark tunnel I was in after my husband died, and not only led me to the summit of Mount Everest, but to many other magical experiences too, like sailing the Atlantic Ocean in a small boat. I was the first British woman to have accomplished both of those things, and only the fifth British woman to stand on the summit of the highest mountain on the planet.

Feel free to join me on Facebook or visit my website Women Have Vision


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