(re)Discover Your Inner Sexy!

By Varya Kapran

Guest writer for Wake Up World

S. e. x. y.  We hear that word every day, in songs, marketing ads, TV and movies. From our friends. From our partners: “Baby you’re so sexy.” (Am I?!) … It echoes over and over in our heads. But do you actually feel sexy?

We are bombarded by conflicting messages. This product will “make you sexy”. There are unattainable, airbrushed body images everywhere. But to many, “being sexy” in the modern (popular) sense is also considered shameful.

How can we be expected to navigate such muddy waters? And what does being sexy even really mean? Does it mean dressing provocatively? Or looking like a model? Does it mean to be desired? To be desirable? Why the heck is this all so confusing?!?

It is all much less overwhelming than it first seems when we consider that being sexy (or not) is all dependent on YOU. You can’t try to become sexy, to fake your way, so to speak. Heels won’t do it. Makeup won’t do it. An attractive partner won’t do it, and nor will endless partners. Sexy comes from within you. It’s all about how you feel about yourself.

I’m here to tell you that it is time to (re)discover your inner sexual power — your fire.

Sex-ay!

So what is “being sexy”? Simply put, it is confidence in yourself and what you have to offer the world and your partner. It is the deep acknowledgement of your worth as an individual, as a woman or as a man. It is the honouring of what it means to be truly feminine and/or  masculine, in the earthiest sense possible. Forget about gender roles. It is about embracing and honouring your body. It is embracing your perceived shortcomings. It is celebrating your strengths. It is seeing your own beauty shine, and not needing someone else to remind you of it — though that is always lovely too.

What about being desirable or desired? Well here’s the trick — when you are comfortable with yourself, you become irresistible. You have an inner light that shines. It manifests in your personality, body language, mood, interaction, body composition, facial expressions, hormonal levels and energy field. Others pick up on that and are drawn to it. This kind of sexiness is independent of makeup, heels and outfits. It is walking down the street in the morning feeling good as you are.

Worth Striving For

You are worth striving for. Your sexual power, your creativity, your fire, your love. It is all worth striving for. The world needs it! We need you at your full potential. We need you to be fully yourself, without restriction. If you feel overwhelmed by this, or feel lost in other emotions, unable to connect with your sexuality and sacred femininity/masculinity, listen to me closely…

You are beautiful. You are strong. It is time to reclaim your self.

I know your pain and the challenges that come with it. I am here to tell you unequivocally that not only can you heal, but that is is time to heal. In fact, my personal journey is proof of this.

I spent years searching, and working hard to get here today. I have struggled with weight loss and gain, with eczema, acne, psoriasis, with poor digestive health and leaky gut, gout and kidney dysfunction, acute and chronic pain, peripheral neuropathy, poly cystic ovarian syndrome, and poor immune function. I have been through depression, sexual abuse, poor body image, and sexual shame. I have lived my worst nightmare, lost those I cared about most, and even in the grief, lost myself.

But along the way, I also found myself (and my calling).

To get to where I am today, and to continue down this path, I have had to face many challenges… I grew up in a family that never spoke about sexuality and I went to an extremely religious school that put a shame and stigma on it. I have been underweight, overweight, have had terrible skin, have had low self confidence, have been depressed. I have had menstrual cycles that took over my whole world, I have had migraines that paralyzed me. I have been rejected by lovers. I have rejected my own femininity. I have experienced date rape. I experienced a great personal loss. I was even {mis}diagnosed with PCOS at a young age and told that I would be infertile, and left to struggle with the meaning of being an “infertile” woman in those early developmental years.

What a list, right!?!

By always striving to reclaim myself, I became more in tune with myself. I knew that no one could take away my self worth away from me but myself. No matter how dark it got, I refused to compromise this. And then one day, when I was ready, I CHOSE to rise above it all, and no longer to allow it to define me. Little by little, I began to forgive myself for my faults and mistakes. I am not always perfect, and that is alright. When I began to love my body for the first time in my life, I also realized that it was not failing me, it was struggling just as much as I was and simply needed care. I sought out healing, and found more than I could have ever hoped for.

Today, I thank my body for all that it has given me, And when I had cleared away all the pain, I found my core — my inner fire. My gift. My creativity… literally! (This beautiful process can create life!) My ability to connect and be present in all the senses, to truly celebrate myself and the man I love.

Celebration

When you flip the switch on that inner light and begin to rediscover your own sexiness, you will also begin to view sexuality and sexual union differently. No longer will it be just an release, a stop gap for our lack of self worth, or even a task in a relationship. While you may experience pleasure and enjoyment in your encounters/relationships,  imagine the potential of pleasure and joy that can be experienced when you unlock this fire inside of yourself.

In truth, sexuality and sexual expression in its purest form is a celebration. It is celebration of life. Celebrating unity. Celebrating the physical. Celebrating love. Celebrating the present moment. It is natural. It is beautiful. It is magical and mystical.

If you have heard otherwise, if you feel deep down some sense of discomfort, disconnection or shame discussing this topic, just take note of that for now. It is something you will face when you are ready.

Love Yourself

If you’re thinking of a sexual double entendre at this moment, please have a chuckle — it was intentional! In fact, there is a reason that self-pleasure is best described as ‘self love’. That is a bit of a topic on its own, and perhaps a subject of a future article. The short version is, sexual empowerment and sexiness are all about loving yourself. So if you don’t feel sexy, you also don’t fully accept and honour your self – that’s the bottom line.

If you already feel sexy, then learning to honour yourself is something you may have had to address at some point, just as I did. The way to start is to begin identifying the disconnect. Ask…  When did I stop loving myself ? Stop loving my body? Did I ever love my body? What happened? What didn’t happen? What negative self talk do I engage in?  Of course, you may or may not be ready to tackle these questions, but at least asking them of yourself will begin the dialogue.

Joy. Love. Bliss. Orgasm. “Sexiness”.

Remember, these things come from within YOU. They cannot be given to you, nor by that same token can they ever be taken away. No matter your experience or hardship, you always retain freedom of choice. To choose to embrace your inner fire and passion, or to smother it. To step into your full potential, or to live in the shadows. It is truly and wholly your decision.

I want to encourage you today to simply be honest, and begin considering ways to empower yourself — on all levels. Begin to take back the control, take back the responsibility for your body, for your joy, and for your pleasure.

With love,

Varya

Previous articles by Varya:

• Your Internal GPS – the Relationship Between Functional Neurology &  Movement
• The Cycle of Change
• Your Body is Not a Tool
• I Am. You Are. Perfectly Imperfect.
• (re)Discover Your Inner Sexy!
• Loving Your Skin – 10 Essential Natural Topical Treatments
• Healing From Loss
• Home-Made Salted Caramel Recipe (+ Chocolate Option!)
• It’s Time To Come Home
• Is Your Diet Healthy for You? A Guide to Optimal Health
• 15-Minute Flourless Double-Chocolate Cookies Recipe (YUMMM!)
• Manifest[-ing] Love

About the author:

Varya Kapran  is a wellness and fitness coach whose mission is to help people reconnect with their bodies through holistic nutrition, herbalism, movement, and neural re-education. She works with clients worldwide supporting them to reach their quality of life goals through a combination of cutting edge research, alternative therapies, and other techniques.