My Journey with Ayahuasca – How I Learned to Overcome Negativity (and How You Can Too!)

By Nanice Ellis

Contributing writer for Wake Up World

From Darkness to Light

Although this is my story of defeating darkness, this article is intended to help you defeat all forms of negativity in your life and in the world. Whether it is depression you face alone, suppression in a difficult relationship, or the fear of global oppression, the core answer is always the same. Fortunately, you already possess the key, and by the end of my story, you will know exactly how to use that key for healing and transformation.

I’m about to take you through my dark journey in the Amazonian jungle; however, once you begin this journey with me, please stay tuned until we reach love and light at the end.

My Quest for Answers and Awakening

With over three decades of searching for truth and spiritual awakening, my quest brought many answers, but every answer ignited more questions. Finally, desperate to find the missing pieces of the puzzle, in 2009, I decided to do something I swore I would never do; I traveled to Peru, and in the heart of the Amazonian Jungle, I drank the mysterious tea, Ayahuasca, for the very first time.

Ayahuasca is an ancient healing medicine that is brewed by combining two Amazonian plants, and although it is impossible to understand how Ayahuasca works without experiencing it yourself, it’s fair to say that it awakens consciousness and can facilitate healing in a way that is therapeutic and unique for each person. Oftentimes, profound shifts in consciousness result in deep and permanent transformation, but this is not just about Ayahuasca; this is a story about overcoming extreme negativity…

Journey to the Amazon

Sitting in the circular shamanic lodge, just hours after arriving in the Amazon, I found myself among twenty fellow journeyers from all over the world. As I quietly watched the shaman prepare Ayahuasca, anxiety swept over me, and, yet, when it was my turn to drink, I courageously drank every last drop ….

During the first ceremony, Ayahuasca offered me many lessons, but, most of all, I was shown the chaos and crisis overshadowing the planet. As this awareness triggered a familiar desire to save the world, the medicine “asked me” to take on planetary pain and suffering in order to purge it. Since my desire to help humanity outweighed any personal fears, I said yes, and, within minutes, my body became an energetic container for humanity’s pain and suffering, and that of the entire planet. Despite deep emotional pain, and the intention to release it, purging was nowhere in sight.

With no relief or resolution during the first ceremony, the second ceremony, on night two, continued where the first left off. However, by dawn the next morning, the emotional pain had only deepened, but along with it, my determination for healing and resolution. I had come too far not to finish what I started, so, despite great trepidation, on night three, I drank the tea once again…

Third Time’s the Charm

Unlike the gradual onset of the first two ceremonies, the medicine hit like a hurricane. All at once, a horrific energy descended upon me, and the shamanic lodge transformed into a house of horror. As bone chilling fear surged through my veins, an all pervasive energy morphed into a dark force that quickly had me under siege, and the more I struggled to resist, the more powerful it became. In the blink of an eye, I was drowning in a thick sea of diabolical energy that represented centuries of horrific traumas and tragedies – from worldwide holocausts to personal atrocities.

Even though I knew I was under the influence of Ayahuasca, it didn’t matter because it felt more real than anything I had ever experienced in my life. No matter what I tried, there was no way to escape and no place to hide. Even when I closed my eyes, this faceless, nameless energy greeted me on the other side. Nothing offered the slightest relief, and, if I dissociated or checked-out for even a moment, this unforgiving force energetically tortured me in ways I cannot describe. With no end in sight, absolute terror flooded every cell of my being.

The journey was no longer about saving the planet or healing humanity. Now, I was fighting for my life; fearing that even in death there would be no escape from this relentless tormentor.

Indeed, I was all alone with no hope of anyone saving me. What had I done?  Why did I drink this terrible tea again? Even as these regretful thoughts did somersaults in my head, I was acutely aware that there was no way to undo this nightmare, and the only way out was through. But, this would be no easy feat, because in order to confront this horrific energy, I would first have to confront my own paralyzing fear. Therefore, with no other choice, I summoned up every ounce of courage, and remembering the Peruvian word for illusion, I silently commanded, “Maya, Go Away — only love and light are welcome!”

As I executed this command over and over, the dark energy began to slowly retreat, and, thankfully, my commands were working just enough to provide some degree of relief. However, if I stopped, or my thoughts strayed for even a second, or doubt crept in, the oppressive energy instantly regained control, and every time this happened, I had to begin the whole process over again. Moreover, since each round was increasingly difficult, it became perfectly clear that my salvation depended solely on my ability to stay conscious. Indeed, to keep the darkness away I had to remain fully present.

Although I was beyond exhausted, I made the commitment to stay conscious and focused until the medicine wore off – it seemed like an eternity, but the alternative was intolerable. Once I made this commitment, I wiped my mind of regrets and I dropped all resistance. No longer paying attention to mental exhaustion and firmly ignoring my body’s pleas for rest, from there on out, my commands possessed greater intent and more power.

However, despite steadfast determination and continuous commands, I could not get the dark energy to retreat beyond a certain parameter. Not giving up, I searched for the magic words that would dominate the energy and make it back-off. Lo and behold, the instant I commanded, “Only Love is Real” the energy retreated beyond the parameter, and after a few minutes, love formed a circular boundary that protected me from all directions. It was profoundly clear that love was the more powerful force.

Ask and It is Given

Although I was extremely relieved to find those magic words, I still had to command them over and over to keep the new parameter in place. However, the instant I thought, “There has to be an easier way?” I heard a non-physical “voice” say, “Project Love” – and I was shown that the vibration of love could be projected with intention. (I would later realize that this “voice” was the spirit of Ayahuasca).

So, as I commanded, “Only Love is Real,” I imagined projecting the vibration of love into the darkness, and, to my surprise and amazement, the energy was not only retreating, it was also losing power. Although I desperately wanted to embrace this first sign of victory, after hours of continuous torment, I didn’t trust it. So, just to be safe, I fiercely projected more and more love! Minutes later, my dark energetic tormenter, along with the house of horror, dissolved into nothingness. No battle, no fight, no negotiationwithout the slightest resistance, darkness was defeated by love.

Beyond extraordinary, the only thing that remained was deep unconditional love like I have never known before – and it just kept growing. This exquisite love was millenniums beyond human love and it was literally everywhere. Not only overflowing from me; it was in everyone and connected everything, and, for the first time, I understood how we are all One, and I experienced Oneness as the source of my being!  Even though I had been depleted of all resources, suddenly, I was bubbling with zest and energy, and I knew that the magic words were in fact true Only Love is Real!

As if Mother Nature orchestrated a grand celebration on my behalf, the moment I broke through darkness into love, thunder and lightning burst from the sky with mind-blowing synchronicity. After crawling off my mat in the shamanic lodge, and going outside, I sat blissfully under a tree for hours, and as the warm rain washed away any remaining residue, I watched the dark night transform into the light of day.

Lessons from the Jungle

During the most challenging night of my life, I learned to stay fully present while holding the vibration of love, and, in so doing, I discovered the key to transcending darkness. But, remember, this is not just my story of defeating darkness; this is intended for you. Just as I defeated darkness in the jungle, you have the power to dissolve any negativity in life.

By sharing the following 5 Life Changing Lessons I learned in the jungle, I now pass this golden key to you….

Images by Alexander Ward

Lesson #1 – The True Nature of Reality

Ayahuasca showed me the true nature of reality, and how life operates very much like a dream or sophisticated simulation. You see, there is only One Energy is the Universe and everything is made from this One Energy because there is nothing else to make anything out of – period!  It’s Pure Source Energy or nothing, but even nothing is still Pure Source Energy.

Although Source Energy is indescribable, many sages, philosophers and awake beings have named it “love.” However, equating Source Energy with the conditions and limitations associated with human love is quite misleading. The infinite and unconditional love of Source is often beyond common human experience.

Nonetheless, we are each an expression of Source Energy, and we exist to express and experience all the potentials and possibilities of Creation. Regardless of expression or materialization, Source Energy is indestructible and limitless and can never be altered or diminished in anyway whatsoever. Source can morph into anything or anyone and still remain true to its nature, which is great news because the human experience requires contrast – the yin and yang of metaphysical design. Without contrasting opposites and “polar effects,” such as light and dark, positive and negative, and good and bad, life as we know it, would cease to exist.

Lesson #2 – Playing the Game of Life

As conscious beings with free-will, we each willingly came into this world with amnesia of our True Selves and the true nature of reality. Why? Well, as our omnipotent True Selves there is no challenge, thrill or satisfaction in the Game of Life. Therefore, to have real-life experiences where we overcome opposition, benefit from experience, and receive life’s abundant gifts, we first have to forget that we are infinite beings. After all, there’s no point playing a game without challenges, purpose and the promise of fulfillment.

Furthermore, the attributes of our True Selves include love, joy and peace, but without contrast, we really have no conceptual understanding of our true essence. Without fear or hate, love has no meaning and without sadness or grief, joy remains abstract. The Game of Life allows us to experience contrast in order to experientially know our True Selves. So, whatever we choose to experience in life, we must first experience its opposite. For example, to know worth, we must experience unworthiness, to know freedom, we must experience entrapment, to know empowerment, we must overcome powerlessness.

Keep in mind that no matter the physical or emotional dangers of being human, there is no risk in playing the Game of Life because we always wake-up as our True Selves – completely unharmed.

If you would like to delve more into the Game of Life, please read my article, The Game of Life and How to Play It!

Lesson #3 –The Origin of Darkness

Ayahuasca showed me the two main reasons for darkness and negativity:

1. We Need Bad Guys: For the Game of Life to commence, and to play our pre-chosen parts, we need an appropriate stage and supporting cast, which includes one’s family, friends, environment, and some predetermined experiences. Oftentimes, the specific parts we choose to play require counter-parts; for instance, the part of the hero requires people to save and the part of the healer requires sick people to heal. Just as others agree to play parts for us, we agree to play parts for them.

Additionally, to recognize and rise above human limitations, and evolve accordingly, we need challenges to overcome, and this often requires others to play bad guys. “Play” is the optimum word because if we are all Source Energy, there can be no bad guys or victims. My seven-year-old grandson loves bad guys because he knows that inside every bad guy is a good guy pretending to be bad, and without some of us playing bad guys, we couldn’t play the game at all. Not only that; without bad guys demonstrating darkness and fear, we might stay complacent and never benefit from life nor evolve.

2. Humanity is Stuck in a Web of Disempowerment: Humanity has been asleep for a very long time; incarnating from life to life without awakening has resulted in a history of global disempowerment. Playing a game of separation, and not remembering who we really are, most people live in a state of fear and survival, and, as a result, act and react in ways that cause them to be perpetrators and victims.

Ayahuasca showed me how darkness is precipitated by deep emotional pain, such as fear, despair and hopelessness, and how it manifests as poverty, war, abuse, victimhood, suffering and depression; often perpetuated from one generation to the next.

Virtually every bully and perpetrator was once abused by a bully or perpetrator (who was once abused by a bully or perpetrator). So, who’s to blame? If you believe in reincarnation, it’s possible that you perpetrated a victim who grow up to abuse the person who abused you. Therefore, you might consider that we sometimes come back to heal the wounds we created in the first place. Although it’s a complex web we weave, you don’t need to know where it began to end it.

Lesson #4 – There’s Nothing to Fear

Ayahuasca showed me a vibrational Universe where everything is composed of vibrating energy within a spectrum. Representing expressions of One Source, fear and darkness are on one end of the vibrational spectrum while love and light are on the other.

Although free-will allows us to choose the spectrum of vibration in which we exist, most of us unconsciously choose through our emotional reactions. Believing we are separate and alone, it’s natural to defend ourselves against perceived threats, but, unfortunately, this throws us into the dark end of the spectrum. This means that whenever we react defensively, or fight against negativity, we end up vibrating with the issues or people we are against.

Nonetheless, just like the dark energy I faced in the Amazon, everything we fear is an illusion and only has power because we give it power through fear, and this is why there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Lesson #5 – Love Must Be Activated

The most transformational experience of my life led me to discover that love is the most powerful force in the Universe, but, due to the nature of love, this power cannot be used for harm.

With love as your weapon, you have the power to dissolve darkness and negativity at will. However, despite its potential magnitude, love has no power unless activated through consciousness, and this means that the power of love is ineffective without conscious intention. Through your conscious intention, you can find the switch and activate all the love you want and need.

Just as I was the source of my own light in the Amazon, you are the source of your own light in every situation and relationship. Nothing outside has more power than the light within, but you must go within to activate this power through intention. Once activated, intention must be followed by focused attention.

  • Love must be consciously activated through intention.
  • Love must be consciously practiced through attention.

Stay Tuned

Although the power of love is activated whenever you choose love, you must hold the vibration of love long enough to reach an energetic threshold. The point is to stay tuned to love until you experience a positive shift. Although this is a simple concept, it can be quite challenging when we have conditions on love. Indeed, when others must meet our conditions, it’s easy to shift from love to judgment in the blink of an eye.

Therefore, to utilize the full power of love, we must consciously and consistently choose love over and over again, and not give power to fear or negativity, nor believe what others want us to believe. Your mind can be fueled by love just as easily as it can be fueled by fear, but you have to consciously choose, or through complacency this choice is made for you. No doubt, if you are not controlling your mind, someone or something else is.

3 Steps to Dissolving Negativity via Love

  1. Activate the vibration of love through conscious intention; for example, focus on someone you love and imagine your heart is filled with love.
  2. Once love is activated, imagine projecting it toward and through the negativity you wish to dissolve.
  3. Stay “tuned” to the vibration of love and keep projecting until an energetic threshold is attained and negativity dissolves; this might occur in minutes or it might be a practice you undertake for several days, weeks or months. No matter how long it takes, it’s worth it!

For a powerful 12-minute guided meditation that activates love and healing, go to www.Nanice.com/love

Let’s be clear, choosing love does not mean that you should allow others to disempower you in any way. Definitely stand for what you believe, set boundaries, and speak your truth. However, not by battling darkness or fighting for a cause, but, rather, by aligning with your True Self and acting on behalf of empowering solutions.

Love is Like Kryptonite!

One choice at a time, together, we can manifest a new dream for humanity. Therefore, each time you choose love over fear, and connection over separation, you contribute to collectively raising the planetary vibration, and this means that every choice counts. Just like the hundred monkey theory, when we reach an energetic threshold, love will spread throughout the world as the dominant frequency, and as it effortlessly dissolves darkness, the era of disempowerment will be eradicated. By making love your most important intention and choosing love again and again, you’ll soon discover that Love is to Darkness as Kryptonite is to Superman!

If you would like to know more about choosing love, please read my article, “Choose Love – and Be The Change!” 

Transformation to Integration

No doubt, Ayahuasca’s lessons are extraordinary, but the journey doesn’t end when the medicine wears off. As with any transformational experience, what you do afterwards really counts. Not surprisingly, it took me well over a year to integrate, and nothing has ever been the same since.

What to remember from this article:

  • We are playing the Game of Life
  • Everything consists of vibration
  • Love dissolves negativity
  • Love must be consciously activated through intention
  • Love must be consciously practiced through attention
  • Every choice counts
  • Choose Love – again and again!

Finally, as the source of your own light, you have the power to illuminate all darkness!

With grace & gratitude,
Nanice

Please note, you can listen to an audio recording of this article here.

Quantum Love Meditation

This free 12-minute meditation is designed to activate the vibration of love and heal negativity – go to www.Nanice.com/love.

Out Of The Jungle – The Beginners Guide To Ayahuasca

A book by Nanice Ellis…

Nanice Ellis - Out Of The Jungle - The Beginners Guide to AyahuascaAyahuasca has come ‘Out of the Jungle’ — today you can find Medicine Ceremonies almost anywhere in the world, but there is still great mystery around Ayahuasca. I have written this book in order to take the mystery out of Ayahuasca – to bring understanding to what it is and how it works, so that anyone interested in Ayahuasca can make an educated decision.

If you choose to experience Ayahuasca, ‘Out Of The Jungle will prepare you to have an empowering and transformational medicine journey, and ultimately be successful at integrating the experience back into real life.

This book is based on my own experiences, the experiences of people I have worked with as an Ayahuasca Integration Coach, and also on what Ayahuasca has taught me, both in and out of ceremony.

‘Out Of The Jungle – The Beginners Guide To Ayahuasca’  is available on Amazon and Nanice.com.

Recommended articles by Nanice Ellis:

About the author:

Nanice Ellis

Nanice Ellis has been a professional Life Coach for 20 years, successfully coaching women and men from all over the world. She is also an author, Theta Healer and Master Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.

Helping people to make quantum jumps in their lives, Nanice’s very unique coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect”. By using powerful and proven manifestation techniques, Nanice coaches people to tap into the power of the Universe and live their dreams, bridging the gap from the imagination to the realization of that dream. She works with leaders, coaches, healers and anyone who wants to live life to the fullest. You can learn more about the coaching programs offered at: Coaching Programs with Nanice.

Nanice is the author of several books, including the inspirational “The Infinite Power of You!” and “Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad!”, and her latest book, “Is There a White Elephant in Your Way? The Guidebook for Awakening and Self Empowerment” She is also the host of radio show Chai with Nanice. Her books are available at Nanice.com/6/Books and right here on Amazon.

To connect with Nanice, visit Nanice.com.


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  • Chase Anthony

    This article nearly perfectly describes my last few ceremonies, down to the incremental shifts from dark to light energy I was able to make repeating a loved-centered mantra that came to me after three miserable and terrifying ceremonies. I’v spent months trying to make sense of that unparalleled evil I encountered in the maloca, and am so very glad to read some practical guidance on how to move forward and integrate the deeper lessons into our everyday quest towards love. Thank you for writing this!

  • Gage Gorman

    Amazing article. Enjoyed it greatly. Thank you for writing Nanice and sharing Wake Up World 🙂 <3