Who is in Control of Your Life?

Who is in control of your life - fear of others

By Dr. Michelle Kmiec

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

Who is in control of your life?  Do you let the fear of others determine your path in life?

If you rely on others for the decisions you make with respect to your own life, being that you  aren’t  listening to your own inner spirit, what makes you so sure the decision you make based on what other people believe is the right one?

Who do they rely on to make their decisions? Is it the media (oh, help us!), television sitcoms (LOL!), news (whether right or left), superstition (maybe), or worse yet, their own fear (hmmmm)?

Their decision for you is based on their “perception of you”, which is very different then any decision you can make based from your own perception of yourself. And even your decision can change depending on your own state of mind, which determines your perception.

You are ‘within’ looking out, while they are ‘out’ looking in, superficially speaking of course.

No two people ever see the exact same thing — it is impossible. This is due to the following reasons:

  • You are not on someone else’s path; you are only on your path.
  • What you interpret as truth is only from your level of consciousness and awareness, while others are on their level of consciousness and awareness; thus, their truth.
  • Only you can ever know what’s best for you because it is you that must learn and grow from experiences.
  • No one  can see the view from your eyes and no one can feel the attached emotions to that view other than you… your perception of what you see is unique to you.


… and probably the most important reason:  Fear is a self-generated limitation imprinted by the limitations of others.

The fear I’m speaking of here is not the “RUN, there’s an enormous monster behind you!” kind. Although I think we can all agree that running due to fear in this situation is probably a really good idea!  The fear I’m speaking of is the never-ending parade of thoughts that sound something like this:

  • If I mess up, then they’ll think I’m stupid
  • If I don’t win, then they’ll be let down
  • If I don’t do this for a career, then they’ll be disappointed
  • If I do this or that, then they won’t love me anymore
  • If I ___________ (you fill in the words), then they’ll think ___________  (usually something negative)

Sound familiar?  I think you’ll agree this list could go on and on. We each have our words to fill in the blanks, but the outcome is the same…  FEAR!  This fear is the warning sign that announces the up-coming  illness or disease. This fear can be a killer!  So I’ll ask the question again…

Who is in control of your life?

Healing Requires Perseverance…  and Peers!

After 25 years in the health and wellness field, it’s my contention that the perseverance to take control of your life rarely comes without positive peer support. Our society is set up to honor heroic acts and single feats of grandeur. But if we look behind the curtain, most often there really is a village helping turn the wheels and prop up the person in front. Our peers, our family and friends, our co-workers all make a difference in how we choose to live our lives.

Ah, but you might say peers can have a bad influence as much as good. Sure. No question. The famous  Framingham Heart Study  agrees.  It was the first study to make the connection between behavior and heart disease; the first to tell us if we eat a lot of “bad” foods and don’t exercise we’re more likely to have a heart attack. After 40 years of studying this subject, Framingham researchers also found that we’re birds of a feather.   If you smoke and you hang around with a lot of smokers, you’re less likely to quit. The same is true for over-eating and a lack of exercise.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that it goes both ways. When one person quits smoking, all her friends take notice and, Framingham determined, at least one of her ten smoking peers will follow suit. Then one of that person’s ten smoking friends will do the same and so on.

The ripple effect is exciting!

So, if it’s true that healing rarely happens in a vacuum, why not take this power of peers and channel it in a structured and intentionally positive direction? Why not leverage the good news? Just as we can leverage the power of the mind to heal by placebo, why not influence our change with the power of friendship, familiarity, camaraderie, and on-going yet  free support?

Our colleague,  renowned  culture specialist and peer mentoring expert,  Dr. Judd Allen of the Human Resources Institute, points out that clinical resources for healing are often limited and impose time constraints. Peers provide a natural form of support. They are always there, in our lives almost daily, and in it for the long haul. Oh, and did I mention they’re  FREE!

Peers know you.  They know your local resources and options for success. They know your likes and dislikes. They know your limitations, but better yet know your strengths that surmount your flaws. They’ve  seen you succeed and they expect nothing less.

Peers want to change too.  They’re in it with you rather than an outside judge. They’ll often go to the class or the meeting with you, or pick up that same inspiring book, or do that same difficult challenge. Shared experience is richer, more flavorful, more colorful and more indelible in our ever important reservoir of happy memories.

I recently finished an intense 10-day “cleanse” diet. I had to seriously restrict my food and drink boring shakes every five minutes. It was hard.  Really hard. I was grumpy and spacey, and I kept forgetting why it even mattered! But… three of my close friends and family did the cleanse with me. If not for them, I’m sure I would have given up. Every day we processed and shared what we experienced. We commiserated together, and we dreamed about bread, coffee and wine together!  

We were there for each other and we celebrate the outcomes together! It was well worth the challenge!

These same people have helped me lose 15 pounds of fat over the past year by creating a whole new lifestyle. Because they matter to me and because I matter to them,  we Zumba,  we box,  we dance,  we laugh,  we sweat,  we eat amazing healthy food,  we play;  we grow together!  We learn from each other and celebrate our positive changes. We help turn the wheels behind the scenes no matter how difficult the challenge for each.   And, we stick to the excitement of each of our dreams making sure each has a fighting chance at her own heroism.

Imagine the world if everyone had such focus!  And did I mention it’s free?  

Don’t let the fear of what others think determine your path in life.  Care and concern, joy and compassion, and, of course, laughter are all free! The power of the mind is indeed powerful, and it becomes ever so much more powerful when supported by the positive influence and reinforcement of peers. Think about your inner thoughts. Think about your peers and how they impact your health. How can you be a role model and begin to support positive change in your circle of friends and family?

Think about it, and just by putting it in your train of thought you’ll be starting on one of the best paths possible in positive, holistic healing!


Previous articles by Dr. Michelle Kmiec:

About the author:

dr michelle kmiec

Dr. Michelle Kmiec is a board certified chiropractic physician who also holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Human Biology, and a minor in Medical Research. She is a life-long athlete who after curing herself 100% naturally from MS and anxiety, became an avid nutrition health researcher/promoter. She has been featured in many Health magazines, and has been a guest on radio talk shows in the USA, Canada, United Kingdom, and Australia. She is the author of Health Freedom Revolution: Exposing the Lies, Deceit and Greed of the Medical Profession’, Founder of Online Holistic Health, and a contributing writer for other popular informative health website/blogs. She is also founder of The Triad of Life™ Holistic Lifestyle Program – the most comprehensive holistic program on the internet today.

For more information, visit Online Holistic Health or connect with Dr. Michelle Kmiec on FacebookTwitter and LinkedIn.

If you've found value in our articles, we invite you to support the release of our brand-new book, "Gratitude Practices for Kids: A Practical Guide for Adults to Instill a Spirit of Appreciation and Positivity in the Next Generation."

"Gratitude Practices for Kids" brings together over 25 innovative and accessible practices designed to enhance gratitude in everyday life. This comprehensive guide is backed by 17 scientific studies, ensuring each concept is grounded in research, underscoring our commitment to nurturing growth, emotional intelligence, and positive interactions between adults and children.

We encourage you to opt for the paperback version to celebrate this new release. Dive into its fresh pages away from digital distractions, allowing you to immerse yourself in the transformative practices it offers.

Over recent years, Wake Up World has faced significant online censorship, which has impacted our financial ability to operate. Moving into book publishing represents a strategic step to secure the ongoing funds needed to continue our mission. By purchasing Gratitude for Kids, you help us keep our content free and accessible to everyone, avoiding needing a paywall. With over 8,500 articles published in the last 13 years, we remain dedicated to keeping our valuable content open to all.